Decisions, Decisions

Fandango’s provocative question this week is

What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? What made the decision so difficult?
The hardest decision has always been calling time on a beloved pet. I’ve already written about that, and Fandango has too. It’s a painful and heart wrenching choice, but we put our pets first, not ourselves, but that does not take the grief, or guilt, away, and time just numbs it a little.

But for today, something else:

After my divorce was finalised, I decided to leave my job, friends and family to move in with a single Dad who had custody of his two young sons.

The relationship lasted almost 8 years, and the only good thing that really came out of it was my fostering experience. I would not change that for anything.
There were signs that I was being used from the very first day of my arrival and the next few months, by which time I had grown fond of the boys and did not want to desert them as their mother had done.
This of course was used against me, but in 1988 enough was enough and I made plans to leave.

It took a year, as I first had to get myself well from a nervous breakdown and then find somewhere to go, what to take, and try to save a little money as my savings had all gone years before. My boss continued to be supportive, especially as she had to employ someone to take my place.
My brother agreed to take me and the dog in as my parents were not in a position to help me other than their support and love, so in March 1989, I packed the kids off to school telling them I wouldn’t be there when they got home (but omitting I wasn’t coming back this time), cleaned the house, did the laundry, prepared a meal, and my brother, a friend and my Dad pulled up in the van mid morning.
I left 2 letters: one to the boys emphasising it was not their fault and that I no longer had any feelings for their Dad who certainly had none for me, and one for him.

He rang my parents when he got home demanding to talk to me, but my Dad said I wasn’t living there, but he would pass on a message.
I called him and he was very tearful about ‘everything was gone’ and ‘who was going to look after the kids?’  as his mother had refused (she was always happy they went to hers after school anyway as she conveniently lived opposite) and his ex-wife also wouldn’t help him out as she was working.

It was a hard decision to make because two now teenagers were involved, but it was unfair to expect them to live in an atmosphere of animosity, anger and resentment.
He had no respect for me and worse, I had little for myself.
It was hard to accept that I had been such a fool, that I had stayed so long because of my sense of responsibility and now had another failed partnership behind me.
However, had I stayed, I don’t think I’d be here today.

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About pensitivity101

I am a retired number cruncher with a vivid imagination and wacky sense of humour which extends to short stories and poetry. I love to cook and am a bit of a dog whisperer as I get on better with them than people sometimes! In November 2020, we lost our beloved Maggie who adopted us as a 7 week old pup in March 2005. We decided to have a photo put on canvas as we had for her predecessor Barney. We now have three pictures of our fur babies on the wall as we found a snapshot of Kizzy, my GSD when Hubby and I first met so had hers done too. On February 24th 2022 we were blessed to find Maya, a 13 week old GSD pup who has made her own place in our hearts. You can follow our training methods, photos and her growth in my blog posts. From 2014 to 2017 'Home' was a 41 foot narrow boat where we made strong friendships both on and off the water. We were close to nature enjoying swan and duck families for neighbours, and it was a fascinating chapter in our lives. We now reside in a small bungalow on the Lincolnshire coast where we have forged new friendships and interests.
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19 Responses to Decisions, Decisions

  1. Fandango says:

    You’re right, calling time on a beloved pet is the most gut wrenching, heartbreaking decision I’ve ever had to make, and being a life-long owner of pets, it’s a decision I’ve struggled with often. 😢

  2. Paula Light says:

    I feel for your loveless situation and those kids…

    • The eldest sought me out once he passed his driving test a couple of years later and it was wonderful that he’d understood and didn’t hold it against me. As for the other? He didn’t like me anyway because I wouldn’t dance to his tune, and when he got in trouble for shoplifting, I’d made him tell his dad.

  3. I think that you were right looking out for yourself, as nobody else was going to do that.

  4. Sadje says:

    This is a heartbreaking story Di. I’m glad you had the courage to take yourself out of that toxic situation.

  5. murisopsis says:

    Ah. Di it is always a difficult decision to say good-bye to pets and to relationships. But it sounds like you did your best…

  6. Nope, Not Pam says:

    It sounds like you very very strong in putting yourself first. I admire that

  7. glyn40wilton says:

    All three of my sister’s have been through a divorce. I’m the only sibling still single!
    I made the decision to have extensive and risky surgery on my spine in 2007. There were complications during and after the surgery but I do feel it was the right decision.

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