Melanie’s Truthful Tuesday 19th July

Melanie is our host for the moment for Truthful Tuesday and this week it would appear I gave her the idea! Thanks for the nod Melanie.
How easily are you able to forgive yourself?  (fill in the scenario that comes to your mind, there is no hidden meaning nor agenda intended).

Ah………. my reply:

How easily do I forgive myself would depend on what I’d done to warrant forgiveness.
I’ve certainly made a lot of mistakes or wrong choices, but I did feel terribly guilty putting housework over visiting my terminally ill MIL in the hospital.
Now ex-husband and I would visit her on alternate days so that she always had a visitor but this particular Saturday we could both have gone and I decided to stay home and catch up on the housework. With both of us working full time, looking in on FIL and visiting her, things had slipped big time at home so I spent the day cleaning, doing the laundry, tidying up and getting things shipshape ready for the coming week.
We both visited on Sunday though and her last words to me were
‘Everyone came yesterday. You were the only one who didn’t’.
She died the following day.
It was an important lesson in priorities and family, and it took a long time for me to  come to terms with my shortcomings that day.
It’s ironic how I feel about family today, but in other respects, I think I have my priorities right.

There are other instances of feelings of guilt, some of which are still fresh no matter how much we try to convince ourselves we did the right thing.
Then again, there are times when other people try to make us feel guilty be it to ease their own conscience and pass the buck, or simply because they have always blamed us when things don’t work out.  I take responsibility very seriously and do the best I can with the cards I’ve been dealt. Those concerned don’t understand or appreciate why I’m not in a position to drop everything on their whim. I’ve taken a step back from that now and have nothing to feel guilty about, no matter how much they slag me off.

Biggest guilt factor at the moment though is food. I’m not eating in secret or bingeing or anything, but I am aware of how much of the wrong things are taking precedent in my diet which I am currently trying to address!

About pensitivity101

I am a retired number cruncher with a vivid imagination and wacky sense of humour which extends to short stories and poetry. I love to cook and am a bit of a dog whisperer as I get on better with them than people sometimes! In November 2020, we lost our beloved Maggie who adopted us as a 7 week old pup in March 2005. We decided to have a photo put on canvas as we had for her predecessor Barney. We now have three pictures of our fur babies on the wall as we found a snapshot of Kizzy, my GSD when Hubby and I first met so had hers done too. On February 24th 2022 we were blessed to find Maya, a 13 week old GSD pup who has made her own place in our hearts. You can follow our training methods, photos and her growth in my blog posts. From 2014 to 2017 'Home' was a 41 foot narrow boat where we made strong friendships both on and off the water. We were close to nature enjoying swan and duck families for neighbours, and it was a fascinating chapter in our lives. We now reside in a small bungalow on the Lincolnshire coast where we have forged new friendships and interests.
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11 Responses to Melanie’s Truthful Tuesday 19th July

  1. willowdot21 says:

    It’s so hard Di , don’t beat yourself up

  2. A wonderful post! I think you’ve found a good balance in forgiving the ones who you feel deserve it, or whom you don’t want hanging around in your mind saying nasty things (toxic people) and being true to yourself! Bravo!

  3. Nope, Not Pam says:

    My mum tells me to go with the flow. If you can’t change it, move on. Good advice I never follow

  4. murisopsis says:

    I’m glad you’ve been able to shed the guilt – especially the misplace guilt that others try to foist onto anyone else…Forgiving myself is often more difficult than forgiving others – at least for me!

  5. Carol anne says:

    I am glad you’ve taken a step back and don’t feel guilty now Di! It is important, and you do you. Don’t worry about anyone else!

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