This week’s Story Starter teaser is:
I would have happily married Darlene if it weren’t for her…
I would have happily married Darlene if it weren’t for her dog.
It’s not that I don’t like dogs or have a fear of them, but this one was a right pain.
Petra was a Jekyll and Hyde depending who was facing her.
Such a sweet little mutt I thought when we were first introduced.
Until it bit me.
‘She’s only playing!’ Darlene simpered, burying her nose in the fiend’s fur and blowing it kisses.
After that, every time I tried to hold her, let alone kiss her, the damn thing would get between us and growl, yap or snap at me.
I tried. I really tried. Going out on a date was pointless as at the last minute Darlene would say she couldn’t leave her as she had separation issues, so any intimate romantic meals were spent in her flat under the watchful (and smug) eyes of the Hound of the Basketvilles.
Our relationship surprisingly blossomed though and I was soon smitten with the human half of Bambi and Godzilla.
The crunch came, literally, when Darlene invited me to sleep over.
I took extra care with everything, even buying treats for Petra in the hope she would see me as a friend, not a threat to her attention or affection.
When I came out of the bathroom, Darlene was waiting for me in bed…….. with Petra sitting on her pillow. The dog flew at me, teeth bared, eyes red with malevolence and if it hadn’t been for the towel around my crown jewels, I would have been neutered on the spot.
I swatted at the dog and it landed with a dull thud against the dresser.
Darlene went berserk, yelling I was cruel and calling me a puppy murderer as she rushed to Petra’s side. I grabbed my clothes and left.
I found out later the dog was just stunned, but Darlene never spoke to me again and instead got a mate for Petra. The thought of miniature Hydes turned my blood cold.