Do you see who you wish to see when you look in the mirror?

This is Rory’s question this week . Please read his post here as I am sure many of us can identify with it one way or another.

Do I see who I wish to see when I look in the mirror?

I don’t like mirrors very much, but when I look in one these days, I see my Mum looking back at me. It’s quite comforting.
Old photo taken in the mid 1980s in Mum’s kitchen.

But it wasn’t always like that. I was never really happy with what I saw, concentrating on ‘what’ rather than ‘who’. I was overweight, I wasn’t pretty, and my taste in clothes wasn’t trendy, fashionable or perhaps even flattering. I hated shopping for clothes or shoes because I was so conscious of my size (thank you Grammar School) and jeans didn’t exactly come in my size and be comfortable.

I lost a lot of weight in 1973 and dropped 4 dress sizes. For once I had a trim waist, could wear a mini skirt without looking like I was being supported on tree trunks, and took an interest in my wardrobe. I wore smart dresses to work, and casual trousers if I went out. I had a fantastic pair of hipster jeans which I didn’t overflow at the belt and could totter on 4 inch heels without falling flat on my face.

My self image has been a bit of a roller coaster ride, but up until 1989, most of it was below par, and this was enhanced from 1983 or so by the relationship I was in. Self esteem and confidence hit an all time low and I paid for it.

It’s different now. After I rebuilt my life and left that soured relationship, I saw myself differently. In fact, I actually saw Me, the person I had become rather than a facsimile of someone people thought I should be. I was totally honest with myself for the first time in years, not making excuses for those extra pounds, and getting to grips with a new start and a new job. A couple of months after that, I met Hubby and the rest is, as they say, history.

Even after my mastectomy thirty years later, I did not see myself as anyone different. Hubby certainly doesn’t and I am the same person today as I was in 2019. Yes, I carry more weight than perhaps I should, but I am comfortable with myself and more importantly, like myself.
I see Mum every day in the mirror, her twinkling eyes and ready smile. What’s not to like?
Photo: Mum and me in October 2016

About pensitivity101

I am a retired number cruncher with a vivid imagination and wacky sense of humour which extends to short stories and poetry. I love to cook and am a bit of a dog whisperer as I get on better with them than people sometimes! We have recently lost our beloved dog Maggie who adopted us as a 7 week old pup in March 2005. We decided to have a photo put on canvas as we had for her predecessor Barney, and now have three pictures of our fur babies on the wall as we found a snapshot of my GSD so had hers done too. From 2014 to 2017 'Home' was a 41 foot narrow boat where we made strong friendships both on and off the water. We were close to nature enjoying swan and duck families for neighbours, and it was a fascinating chapter in our lives. We now reside in a small bungalow on the Lincolnshire coast where we have forged new friendships and interests.
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17 Responses to Do you see who you wish to see when you look in the mirror?

  1. Sadje says:

    I like your thoughts about yourself. Bravo.

  2. There is something so beautiful in your post about looking in the mirror and seeing your mom ❤️

  3. Meowscha says:

    As I age I determine that I do like what I see in the mirror. It’s difficult but also heartwarming, if that makes sense.

  4. Good thoughts indeed Di. Self belief is indeed a great thing to have 🙂

  5. It may seem cliche but it really is the person you are and not just what you look like.

  6. murisopsis says:

    If only this acceptance was more available at a younger age… As I’ve aged I’ve embraced the me that I see and the me that I present to the world as one and the same! I’m comfortable in my skin!!

  7. Carol anne says:

    Awwww I’m so glad you like who you are! that is great Di! xoxo

  8. That is totally beautiful! ❤ Confidence is the best accessory is a saying I take to heart. Mainly because, like you, I never thought too much of that person in the mirror. My thoughts are in Rory's comments, as there was a lot to do and not time for a full post. I love how you have faced your hurdles head on and never shirked. And now? You AREN'T carrying too much extra weight, you said you'd got goal, right? A fluctuation up or down won't be uncommon. I think that's so admirable and you ought to be justly proud of yourself! Bravo! (and your mum was a lovely woman, and you are too!)

    • Thanks so much! Yes, there was a lot in Rory’s comments.
      I’ve been at target for 2 years, so must be doing something right, though to lose an extra 7lbs would be nice. I’m not going to beat myself up about it though as I’m happy where I am. Yeah, my Mum was lovely (and thanks)

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