Do you see who you wish to see when you look in the mirror?

This is Rory’s question this week . Please read his post here as I am sure many of us can identify with it one way or another.

Do I see who I wish to see when I look in the mirror?

I don’t like mirrors very much, but when I look in one these days, I see my Mum looking back at me. It’s quite comforting.
Old photo taken in the mid 1980s in Mum’s kitchen.

But it wasn’t always like that. I was never really happy with what I saw, concentrating on ‘what’ rather than ‘who’. I was overweight, I wasn’t pretty, and my taste in clothes wasn’t trendy, fashionable or perhaps even flattering. I hated shopping for clothes or shoes because I was so conscious of my size (thank you Grammar School) and jeans didn’t exactly come in my size and be comfortable.

I lost a lot of weight in 1973 and dropped 4 dress sizes. For once I had a trim waist, could wear a mini skirt without looking like I was being supported on tree trunks, and took an interest in my wardrobe. I wore smart dresses to work, and casual trousers if I went out. I had a fantastic pair of hipster jeans which I didn’t overflow at the belt and could totter on 4 inch heels without falling flat on my face.

My self image has been a bit of a roller coaster ride, but up until 1989, most of it was below par, and this was enhanced from 1983 or so by the relationship I was in. Self esteem and confidence hit an all time low and I paid for it.

It’s different now. After I rebuilt my life and left that soured relationship, I saw myself differently. In fact, I actually saw Me, the person I had become rather than a facsimile of someone people thought I should be. I was totally honest with myself for the first time in years, not making excuses for those extra pounds, and getting to grips with a new start and a new job. A couple of months after that, I met Hubby and the rest is, as they say, history.

Even after my mastectomy thirty years later, I did not see myself as anyone different. Hubby certainly doesn’t and I am the same person today as I was in 2019. Yes, I carry more weight than perhaps I should, but I am comfortable with myself and more importantly, like myself.
I see Mum every day in the mirror, her twinkling eyes and ready smile. What’s not to like?
Photo: Mum and me in October 2016

About pensitivity101

I am a retired number cruncher with a vivid imagination and wacky sense of humour which extends to short stories and poetry. I love to cook and am a bit of a dog whisperer as I get on better with them than people sometimes! In November 2020, we lost our beloved Maggie who adopted us as a 7 week old pup in March 2005. We decided to have a photo put on canvas as we had for her predecessor Barney. We now have three pictures of our fur babies on the wall as we found a snapshot of Kizzy, my GSD when Hubby and I first met so had hers done too. On February 24th 2022 we were blessed to find Maya, a 13 week old GSD pup who has made her own place in our hearts. You can follow our training methods, photos and her growth in my blog posts. From 2014 to 2017 'Home' was a 41 foot narrow boat where we made strong friendships both on and off the water. We were close to nature enjoying swan and duck families for neighbours, and it was a fascinating chapter in our lives. We now reside in a small bungalow on the Lincolnshire coast where we have forged new friendships and interests.
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17 Responses to Do you see who you wish to see when you look in the mirror?

  1. Sadje says:

    I like your thoughts about yourself. Bravo.

  2. There is something so beautiful in your post about looking in the mirror and seeing your mom ❀️

  3. Meowscha says:

    As I age I determine that I do like what I see in the mirror. It’s difficult but also heartwarming, if that makes sense.

  4. aguycalledbloke says:

    Good thoughts indeed Di. Self belief is indeed a great thing to have πŸ™‚

  5. It may seem cliche but it really is the person you are and not just what you look like.

  6. murisopsis says:

    If only this acceptance was more available at a younger age… As I’ve aged I’ve embraced the me that I see and the me that I present to the world as one and the same! I’m comfortable in my skin!!

  7. Carol anne says:

    Awwww I’m so glad you like who you are! that is great Di! xoxo

  8. That is totally beautiful! ❀ Confidence is the best accessory is a saying I take to heart. Mainly because, like you, I never thought too much of that person in the mirror. My thoughts are in Rory's comments, as there was a lot to do and not time for a full post. I love how you have faced your hurdles head on and never shirked. And now? You AREN'T carrying too much extra weight, you said you'd got goal, right? A fluctuation up or down won't be uncommon. I think that's so admirable and you ought to be justly proud of yourself! Bravo! (and your mum was a lovely woman, and you are too!)

    • Thanks so much! Yes, there was a lot in Rory’s comments.
      I’ve been at target for 2 years, so must be doing something right, though to lose an extra 7lbs would be nice. I’m not going to beat myself up about it though as I’m happy where I am. Yeah, my Mum was lovely (and thanks)

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