This is Rory’s question this week . Please read his post here as I am sure many of us can identify with it one way or another.
Do I see who I wish to see when I look in the mirror?
But it wasn’t always like that. I was never really happy with what I saw, concentrating on ‘what’ rather than ‘who’. I was overweight, I wasn’t pretty, and my taste in clothes wasn’t trendy, fashionable or perhaps even flattering. I hated shopping for clothes or shoes because I was so conscious of my size (thank you Grammar School) and jeans didn’t exactly come in my size and be comfortable.
I lost a lot of weight in 1973 and dropped 4 dress sizes. For once I had a trim waist, could wear a mini skirt without looking like I was being supported on tree trunks, and took an interest in my wardrobe. I wore smart dresses to work, and casual trousers if I went out. I had a fantastic pair of hipster jeans which I didn’t overflow at the belt and could totter on 4 inch heels without falling flat on my face.
My self image has been a bit of a roller coaster ride, but up until 1989, most of it was below par, and this was enhanced from 1983 or so by the relationship I was in. Self esteem and confidence hit an all time low and I paid for it.
It’s different now. After I rebuilt my life and left that soured relationship, I saw myself differently. In fact, I actually saw Me, the person I had become rather than a facsimile of someone people thought I should be. I was totally honest with myself for the first time in years, not making excuses for those extra pounds, and getting to grips with a new start and a new job. A couple of months after that, I met Hubby and the rest is, as they say, history.
Even after my mastectomy thirty years later, I did not see myself as anyone different. Hubby certainly doesn’t and I am the same person today as I was in 2019. Yes, I carry more weight than perhaps I should, but I am comfortable with myself and more importantly, like myself.
I see Mum every day in the mirror, her twinkling eyes and ready smile. What’s not to like?
Photo: Mum and me in October 2016