Sheep or goat?

No, this is nothing to do with astrology, more of an introduction to Fandango’s Provocative Question this week which is

Do you feel that people are more attracted to one another by their differences or by their commonalities? And why do you feel that way?

First and foremost, I believe everyone is an individual, but who we choose as a partner is very much hit and miss as to whether we’ve made a good match.
Hubby and I have been married over 30 years, and together 32, but we are so  different, that probably 40 odd years ago neither of us would have given the other a second look.
What brought us together? Apart from a £10 ad in the local paper, it was the want of company for no more than friendship without having to worry if there was an angle or ulterior motive. To this day we have no idea when we realised we were a couple, a twosome, an ‘Us’, and both consider ourselves lucky to have found each other.
Were we two goats in a field of sheep? I doubt it, though we were both cynical, divorced and coming out of failed relationships, but other than that, we had nothing in common.

I have known relationships where people have got together because they felt there was no-one else, or were afraid they were going to be left behind and alone. I also know of a few where the couple were practically mirror images of each other in opinions, characteristics and backgrounds. Some worked, some didn’t, and as for the reason why they failed, that is between the individuals concerned, not outsiders.

Hubby and I equate this kind of question to goats and sheep. Would two goats in a field of sheep automatically get together because they were two goats and thus familiar with each other, or would the different animals mix and mingle because they were in a community where everyone simply ‘got on’.
Taking it a little further, we passed a field of cows the other day and right in the middle nose to nose with a grazing cow, was a horse of similar colouring, and it was as if he belonged there. Guess we could learn a lot from animals.

About pensitivity101

I am a retired number cruncher with a vivid imagination and wacky sense of humour which extends to short stories and poetry. I love to cook and am a bit of a dog whisperer as I get on better with them than people sometimes! We have recently lost our beloved dog Maggie who adopted us as a 7 week old pup in March 2005. We decided to have a photo put on canvas as we had for her predecessor Barney, and now have three pictures of our fur babies on the wall as we found a snapshot of my GSD so had hers done too. From 2014 to 2017 'Home' was a 41 foot narrow boat where we made strong friendships both on and off the water. We were close to nature enjoying swan and duck families for neighbours, and it was a fascinating chapter in our lives. We now reside in a small bungalow on the Lincolnshire coast where we have forged new friendships and interests.
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13 Responses to Sheep or goat?

  1. Sadje says:

    You’ve drawn great parallels between humans and animals. But I think animals have better instincts

  2. Marlapaige says:

    “Guess we could learn a lot from animals” very much so.

    I think attraction is everything. The commonalities make it work (both are attracted to the other is a good common ground to start). Differences challenge you. So i think it’s a mix. Some differences certain couples cannot handle (different religions) while others have no issue with it. Politics are the same. Every couple decides what is and isn’t conversation they are willing to have to avoid potential blow outs, and every individual knows what differences/similarities they want or don’t want. Like I personally have no issue with almost all differences, because I enjoy the stimulation. However, if we’re more similar than different, that’s fine too. But there are certain similarities that I would just walk away from. some differences too. As a general rule, if the other in the relationship is conservative, I do not have any issue with that. I do have an issue if they stand for certain things that make my skin crawl. If they feel that COVID isn’t a thing and try to convince you that wearing a mask is stupid, they’re not for me. If they think they have a right to tell another person on this planet what they can and can’t do with their bodies, they are not for me AT ALL. If they believe that every home should have an arsenal in case of …. I dunno, a zombie government apocalypse or something, I can’t do that as i don’t want guns near me. But I support you having the right to think that you need an arsenal, even if I don’t agree that you should be able to have one.

    Some differences are deal breakers. Some similarities are too: if someone had the same diagnosis’ as me, it would be difficult for me to accept that in a long term commitment, especially if they were non-compliant with treatment. It could be a really bad situation and I’ve seen it many, many times. The constant back and forth triggering would be impossible to maintain and it would eat me up to see my partner in so much pain, and knowing that they’re causing me so much pain would make it even worse.

    So I think it depends on the similarities and the differences. And the people involved.

    • Thanks for your response. I agree about deal breakers, for instance for me it’s smoking and drinking………… no chance. Also they have to be able to deal with spiders as I can’t.
      I’ve been in a relationship where I’ve been told what I can and can’t do, who I can and can’t have visit the house. It ended badly but I got through it.
      Thanks again. Have a good evening.

      • Marlapaige says:

        “Also they have to be able to deal with spiders as I can’t.” I didn’t think of this one. OK, if they can deal with spiders, I might be able to overlook a few of the “almost” deal breakers…. maybe.

        And I could never do the you tell me who i can see and when. The fact you even think that you could tells me that you are not my type of… partner. I’m a true believer in autonomy. i want to go and hang out with my friends, that’s ok. You wanna go out with your friends, ok. You say I can’t. I say we’re done.

        Smoking and drinking for me is not a deal breaker, unless it’s not social drinking it’s like drinking-drinking. I’m not ok with that. I went through that. When things got stressful for him he pulled out the bottle. It didn’t happen often, but it happened in binges until I was like “OK, we’re starting to cross over into the this-is-getting-out-of-control territory” When I said that it was done. When it stopped being done, that’s when it stopped being OK to tolerate. Because that’s when the drunken arguments would start and I wasn’t interested in arguing the finer points of our relationship with someone who was drinking and is one of the “I’m talking now” drunks. Nope. The stress died down and he stopped drinking on his own, but only after about a week and a half of stupid and pointless attempts at argument. It was a blast.

        Have a good evening!

  3. murisopsis says:

    I always think that there are more similarities than differences most of the time. However there are definite differences that I won’t tolerate – ever. Smoking is a big one! Drug use is a no go as well. As for drinking, I don’t mind if someone has a glass of wine with dinner or a cold beer after mowing on a hot day but to drink to get drunk is not going to have house space! Anyway I’m lucky that Sparky and I compliment each other with different strengths but very similar ethics and moral compasses.

    • Hubby and I are the same in that we compliment each other. We are both ex smokers of 30 plus years and cannot stomach the smell of tobacco in any form. The (very) occasional glass of wine is fine, but having lived with an alcoholic, although he wasn’t violent when under the influence, I couldn’t go through that again. Hard drugs would be another deal breaker too.

  4. Fandango says:

    Thanks for sharing, Di. I like your two goats in a field of sheep analogy.

  5. Carol anne says:

    we can definitely learn a lot from aniamals, no doubt about that!

  6. I think you are right, when I look at my marriage we see a lot of things in different perspectives, but ultimately we have the same views on kindness, so that is the main thing.

    • It’s nice to have some things in common, but enough differences to make life interesting. After more than 32 years, Hubby can still surprise me, and I can still make him laugh!

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