The Curious Case of Love is in The Air

Rory is at it again, throwing some interesting questions at us to answer. We don’t have to answer all of them but there are some doozies so feel free to jump in and answer them in a post, and remember to link back to Rory’s original piece, which I think you’ll find pretty interesting!

People are feeling the strain of living with people they share life, love, house and children with and they are struggling ………. We live in strange times .. the pandemic has affected the very structure of relationships through paranoia and trust and just a general feeling of unease with people … it has changed the very core of people, society, love and relationships … right?

Do you think that ‘background checks’ should be more commonplace between couples who are dating and or those looking to marry or live with each other?

This depends on what you mean by background checks. New relationships are a journey of discovery, though in arranged marriages for instance, ‘backgrounds’ are usually done by the families, are they not? I wrote hundreds of letters to guys in the armed forces as a teenager and got a few (OK a lot) romantic notions, but I didn’t meet that many, and one I did turned out to be a right bar steward, dumping me on his friends because I wouldn’t go to bed with him.

Do you think love alone is enough to see people through everything?

Honestly? Not really, but it sure helps when you can talk through your problems together without aportioning blame or criticism and find a solution.

What are your views on people getting married/living together too young – are you in total favour of that or not?

At 21, I got married for all the wrong reasons in 1977, returned to the parental home after three years to lick my wounds and was divorced before my 4th wedding anniversary. I then lived with a guy for almost 8 years, so I wasn’t exactly young, but I learned a lot, especially about me. I think it depends on the couple concerned and I know of one couple who got married in their teens and are still together, and another who married young and divorced after two years.

What do you think about people not getting to know their partners well enough – is it something that should be looked at more closely whilst you live apart or something that can be worked on when you are under the same roof together?

It is said you don’t really know someone until you live with them. That’s true to a degree, but if you’ve had holidays together, you can get an inkling of what something more permanent is likely to be. IMO it’s give and take, respect and making allowances, and not expecting everything to be done the way it always was.

What are your views on couples who are teenage sweethearts and simply wish to get married and yet they have never sampled anything else of life, they have never had other partners and the list goes on … but they are willing to sacrifice their life for living with one person only believing they are the right person for them?

Another personal thing. Why shop around if you’re happy with the person you’re with? However, if you know of nothing else, you might feel you’re missing out as time progresses and you begin to see things differently and from a wider point of view. You have to be honest with yourself and each other, and although at the time you think you have everything you want and the person of your dreams, that can all change when you least expect it.

Finally, which is the best love ? The one we think is right or the love that finds you by chance or the love we source out with intention?

Hubby and I met through an ad in the paper. We were both coming out of bitter relationship and had a lot of baggage, plus we were as cynical as hell.  Not for us the lovey dovey kissy kissy stuff. No sir. We wanted, and needed, friendship, company of the opposite sex to go out with, and not have to worry about any romantic involvement or expectations. Look at us now. Married almost 30 years, and still best friends. We still don;t know when the slushy stuff crept up on us, but quite honestly, we don’t care and are just glad it did.

About pensitivity101

I am a retired number cruncher with a vivid imagination and wacky sense of humour which extends to short stories and poetry. I love to cook and am a bit of a dog whisperer as I get on better with them than people sometimes! We have recently lost our beloved dog Maggie who adopted us as a 7 week old pup in March 2005. We decided to have a photo put on canvas as we had for her predecessor Barney, and now have three pictures of our fur babies on the wall as we found a snapshot of my GSD so had hers done too. From 2014 to 2017 'Home' was a 41 foot narrow boat where we made strong friendships both on and off the water. We were close to nature enjoying swan and duck families for neighbours, and it was a fascinating chapter in our lives. We now reside in a small bungalow on the Lincolnshire coast where we have forged new friendships and interests.
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18 Responses to The Curious Case of Love is in The Air

  1. Marvelously and honestly answered Di – it’s funny,

    l was reading an article today about the percentages of school sweethearts and the succes ratio of those today in comparison to the 40’s and the 50’s and to a certain degree the early 60’s. The percentage of success from the 40’s to the 60’s was 255 in comparison to the same romance/relationship/marriages from the later 60’s through to today is literally only 25 and the biggest reason is because they have changed as people and they regret not sampling enough of life when younger.

    • We read years ago that 3 out of every 4 second marriages fail. Guess we’re that 1 that doesn’t then.

      • But that’s good Di , that’s not just good, that’s excellent – my parents were together for thirty years , and they wanted to be apart from each other for 28 years ….

      • i know, so your 30 is excellent 🙂 They stayed together for all the wrong reasons and then when they finally divorced they hated each other.

      • My sister was married for 34 years (2nd time, sadly he died in 2010), Bro in Nz has been married 32 years (2nd time for both), OB has been married for 33 years (2nd time for both) and my Mum and Dad were married for 46 years (2nd time for her).

      • It’s hard to know what the secret is … l was married once and that was in my eyes, one of the worst mistakes of my life and Suze was married three times before she and l met. I thought we were a good couple, and l seriously thought we would last … and yet, one pandemic, the first lockdown .. Suze suddenly thought .. l can’t live with anyone anymore.

        I did everything right by us as a couple as a partner, l had learned how l had failed before – but l do attribute a lot of Suze’s changes to her menopause and then more importantly her post menopause – she changed after that. I went through it with her, but l knew that we would not last because she changed too much – which is why when she said last April what she did, l didn’t fight it.

        There is no guarantee to anything l feel. so when you have something that is good, hang on to it 🙂

      • My first marriage was a mistake, living with Ex partner was an education and being married now is ‘home’. Third time lucky I guess, and we’re not going to screw it up!!

      • Excellent 🙂

        I’ll not take the leap again – l can be quirky to live with, and challenging, bot quite like angie’s Ben but Asperger’s can be a handful to live with at times.

        I do wonder how my life will be … l don’t need a live in ‘lover’, and l don’t get lonely so that is a good thing .. but l do wonder where l will be at times.

      • I don’t consider myself easy to live with, but Hubby loves me anyway!

  2. 255 is meant to read 25%

  3. murisopsis says:

    Interesting questions and very revealing answers. I’m lucky with Sparky. We married well after college (where we met) at 26. We didn’t live together and we have been married after a 5 year courtship for 38 years. We had good examples as we both came from families with both parents married and in it for the long haul!

    • Thanks for commenting Val. My great aunt and uncle were engaged for 38 years and married for about 15. He promised to look after his elderly mother before getting married, then when she passed away, my great aunt promised to look after hers. They didn’t live together beforehand either. Both are long departed now, but I have fond memories of them.

  4. Carol anne says:

    Wow di! You met from an ad? Wow!
    Neat or what!
    And married 30 years now, coolness!

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