Maybe if………………….

Every morning I wake up and feel pretty good about life, then the mind starts to think and I wonder…………… maybe if ???
You may recall early in the year I was anxious about some tenderness around my scar tissue and eventually got an appointment to see my consultant. However, the date was forever being postponed, and in the end I agreed to see one of her colleagues in March.
She was very efficient in her examination, telling me everything was normal and how she’d expect it to be, though agreed that perhaps the weight I’d put on and regularly playing darts now may have been a contributory factor.
I came away feeling relieved, but in hindsight, I’m wondering if maybe she should have given me a mammogram at the time.
The thing is, had she done so, I don’t think it would have actually changed anything and I would still be in this position, though maybe past it by now.
The anger directed at Dick is venomous.  If I could wring his neck and make him suffer, believe me I’d do so and slowly, but the fact remains, Cancer is back and going to bite the dirt shortly.

I look at myself in the mirror and try to imagine being one sided after my surgery. I’ll find out soon enough, but I’m lucky I suppose in that most of my bust measurement is round back, and when I lie own, the girls disappear under my arm pits anyway. Sitting on the sofa and looking down at myself, there is no set of boobs getting in the way or upon which to rest my dinner plate, so I don’t anticipate any significant changes in the way I look.
The psychologist lady rang yesterday having spoken to my consultant as there had been a bit of confusion which has now been cleared up. Her attitude this time was completely different and I actually made her laugh, but I’m still glad I’m not meeting with her.

I read many years ago that we all have cancer cells in our body and it is just a question of fate as to whether they’ll be triggered to grow. Research is working on that.
Dick is classed as non-invasive and caused by calcification, dots of calcium deposits showing up on the mammogram imagery. He was measured at 8mm, but this included the tail, and that was what bothered me. If he had a tail, he was searching for something to latch onto, but we found him first.
No chemo or radiotherapy will be necessary, so it will be simply a case of getting it done and getting back to normal. The time frame of course will be up to me and how quickly my body repairs itself.

The afterwatch clock will be reset and I will remain on my meds for a further five years, thus making eight in all unless they keep me on them for any other reason. I’m quite happy with that if they can learn something. Mammograms will still be annually, and possibly a follow up appointment with the consultant after two years (which coincided with my appointment earlier this year).

I’m not going to beat myself up on what ifs and maybes, what I have or haven’t done, or the whys and wherefore as to why it’s happened. The crux of the matter is IT HAS, and we’re dealing with it.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
Breast Cancer is not a death sentence thanks to advances in research, technology, treatments and identification.
I cannot stress enough the importance of getting any lump investigated. Not all of them are cancer or cancerous, but if they are, they can be treated and cured.