The way I’m feeling right now…………….

ranges from anger, disbelief, shock, fear and confusion.
I had my core biopsy results yesterday, and it is not good news.
My initial fear has been confirmed and that little bastard Humphrey has left a residue.
This is my second strike, and they’re not taking any chances, so surgery is scheduled for the 28th October.

There is an irony: I lost all that weight in 2016 and we found the lump. Surgery was a straightforward lumpectomy, in and out on the same day, no chemo, just radiotherapy.
OK, a bit of weight went on which I’ve lost now, and we have another issue.

We are confused as the meds I’m on are supposed to stop the cancer returning anywhere in the body. Seems this little sucker is different, and although described as Non Invasive, I am going to lose my breast.

We cannot believe it. Both of us were prepared for more surgery, but not this.
There is nothing in the left breast, but I have the option of a bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction, but for that, there is a longer delay and quite honestly, we want to get it done.
I am having the same surgeon who we trust implicitly, but the construction would be done by someone else, and both ops would be in another hospital, she doing the removal and a plastic surgeon doing the reconstruction.
The hospital concerned does not have such a high reputation, and I lost my best friend to breast cancer in 2000, she having her surgery and the problems that followed there.

I’ve told Bro. He’s gutted and not very well himself, so my timing could have been better. As for the rest of my family, no.
I don’t want phone calls offering platitudes that I won’t believe to be sincere and that will upset me with such negativity.
MSM has been a gem and offered us accommodation. It’s going to be a long haul this time, but I am not alone, Hubby is there beside me every step of the way. I have a great team behind me both medical and friends, and I’ll be OK.  We can beat this.
It’s a shitty world, and we seem to be having more than our fair share at the moment.
There will be posts on my progress. If anything I experience helps anyone in a similar situation, then I feel I am doing some good.

PS: I’ve just read this out to Hubby, and he had only one thing to add:
I love you.

About pensitivity101

I am a retired number cruncher with a vivid imagination and wacky sense of humour which extends to short stories and poetry. I love to cook and am a bit of a dog whisperer as I get on better with them than people sometimes! In November 2020, we lost our beloved Maggie who adopted us as a 7 week old pup in March 2005. We decided to have a photo put on canvas as we had for her predecessor Barney. We now have three pictures of our fur babies on the wall as we found a snapshot of Kizzy, my GSD when Hubby and I first met so had hers done too. On February 24th 2022 we were blessed to find Maya, a 13 week old GSD pup who has made her own place in our hearts. You can follow our training methods, photos and her growth in my blog posts. From 2014 to 2017 'Home' was a 41 foot narrow boat where we made strong friendships both on and off the water. We were close to nature enjoying swan and duck families for neighbours, and it was a fascinating chapter in our lives. We now reside in a small bungalow on the Lincolnshire coast where we have forged new friendships and interests.
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66 Responses to The way I’m feeling right now…………….

  1. theresaly520 says:

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this shocking news. I’m glad you have a great support network. We’ll be here as well. Keep us posted and stay strong! ❤

  2. blindzanygirl says:

    Bless you Di. I am so sorry. I am here for you. Email if ever you want to. I mean it. I know you didn’t expect this, and it is jut rotten, and yes, shitty. I share your feelings and you know why. I really do want you to know that I care and am here for you. You must feel so devastated and afraid. But yes, you can beat it. But sorry the hospital is not so good. That little bastard Humphrey has really got it in for you but we will beat him down. Just so very very sorry Di. I am glad I saw this post, as I don’t see many these days. Btake care. Am sending you much, much love. Yeah, family sucks. Mine does too. But we join together Di. ❤️❤️❤️

  3. I would have said the same as your hubby! I wish everyone out there that is in your same situation to be so positive and strong! Everything will be OK!

  4. Paula Light says:

    Well damn. I’m sorry to hear this. Good you are proceeding quickly with proper care and action. 💖💖💖

  5. colonialist says:

    What I ‘like’ is your spirit. That is a truly low blow, even if it’s not. Hang in there, and as I try to do, always look on the bright side of things including life/death/pain/discomfort. There is always still beauty and joy to be found.
    I am sure you are right. The sooner you go in there with all guns blazing the better.

  6. Liz says:

    I have been thinking about you and looking out for your update on this.
    Sorry to hear it’s not good news. But I am glad to hear you have a supportive team around you, at this difficult time. I hope that by having them around you, it will make the difficult times a little easier. Xx

  7. Sadje says:

    So sorry Di that it has recurred. But non-invasive is good news. You got to it in time and that matters a lot. Breast reconstruction is a definite improvement on the older method of total mastectomy. You’re a strong lady. You will beat it. My prayers are with you both.

  8. Atul Depak says:

    More power to you. Ishwar aapko achhi sehat aur shifa naseeb farmaye. Ameen! 🌹

  9. quiall says:

    We may be in the background but WE LOVE YOU TOO!! We are here if you need to rant, scream, vent or just talk. We are here. My prayers are with you. Pamela

  10. I read your post twice. I wish there was a dislike button with regard to the contents. I’ve always wondered why bad things happen to good people. I’m certain you are experiencing an array of emotions. You still managed to interject some positivity (helping others) which I thought was amazing (what strength). It’s good to read your hubbie’s “I Love You” response and know he’ll be by your side each step of the journey. God Bless!

  11. Your blog readers love you too. ❤

  12. You are right, you are not alone. You have great friends in the blogosphere that are sending you prayers and positive energy right now. It’s radical surgery for a non-invasive non-tumor but it must be what’s best for you. Gotta love MSM. At least that part isn’t a worry. I’m reaching across the pond for a hug.

  13. You can do this. Onward through the fog.

  14. fransiweinstein says:

    Oh Di, I am so sorry. As for Humphrey, I’ve got a string of four-letter words for him. We have never met, but I have gotten to know you through your posts. You are a strong, resilient, determined woman who is a fighter and who doesn’t let anything get her down and you will get through this. It’s not fair that you should have to, but you do and you will. I live too far away to be of much use, but I am with you in spirit.

  15. It is shitty. My sister had one breast removed. She has been cancer free for 10+ years. May it be the same for you! Damn this is shitty.

  16. joyroses13 says:

    OH Di, I am so sorry!! Will be praying and thinking of you! Giant hugs and the part that your hubby shared at the end, well that just choked me up. For that is what is all boils down too, isn’t it. When you have someone to Love and cherish you, you can make it through even the worst of times! ❤ ❤

  17. Oh, no. All I can offer is hugs and my heartfelt wish that everything goes well on the 28th. Glad you have a loving husband and family to help you through.

  18. joem18b says:

    seems like you know this already but just to say, the main things are to stay informed, don’t put anything off, favor health over cosmetics, and seek help fearlessly when you need it.

  19. Take care darl. I’ll be thinking of you xoxo

  20. scifihammy says:

    It sucks. But – they found it early again so the prognosis is very good. Yes it is a big step to have a mastectomy, but that should definitely take care of the cancer once and for all.
    Thinking of you both.

  21. JudyGerald says:

    It’s the most fulfilling thing to know that your family and really close friends have your back.
    As I whisper a prayer for you; I want to assure you that all will be fine. Don’t despair ❤

    Hugs from Kenya.🇰🇪

  22. Pingback: Question: How Attractive Is Passion To You? | pensitivity101

  23. KC says:

    Late to the party but, my short story: I had one lump in one, two lumps in the other. Hard “No” to anything but a double mastectomy & no reconstruction, declined radiation and drugs. It’s been almost two years – clean…as far as I know.

    • That’s great news Karyn! I could have had a double, but it meant delay and speaking with a psychologist because they would be taking healthy tissue. I didn’t want reconstruction and feel good in myself, but I will feel better once I’ve had the first mammogram after it though, and hope I get an appointment soon.
      Take care and keep well.

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