Melanie at sparksfromacombustiblemind posted a response to Beckie’s prompt, and I was tempted to as well as I could identify with the picture, but I got engrossed in other things ‘off-blog’.
This is the prompt (the link didn’t work for me , so this is Beckie’s site
Beckie has provided us some good questions vis a vis our body image and self esteem and so forth with her “Working on Us” series. This is Week #5.
- Write your own post and create a pingback to the original post here.
- There are no right or wrong answers. Write in any format you see fit. (Answer’s, fiction, non-fiction, poetry, poem, short prose…anything).
- You can do one or all prompts.
- You have from July 3rd. through to July 9th to submit your entries.
- Please reblog the original post in order to spread more awareness.
- If you the blogger have a suggestion/question you want to ask in the future weeks, please submit them in the comment section of this post.
- Let’s see if we can get some men involved in this weeks prompts, your feelings a validated here too!
- Plus, as an added bonus, whoever responds to the following prompts will automatically be reblogged to promote your blog site!
Question #1 If an eating disorder isn’t about food or weight, what is it all about? And, what has it done to you personally?
Question #2 What is the most difficult thing to handle with your disorder? (This applies to everyone).
Lastly: The Photo Prompt. What does the photo bring to YOUR mind?
I have never been diagnosed with an eating disorder, but have been on the receiving end of more than my fair share of taunts and ridicule because of my size.
I was never a chubby kid, but my battle with self image began at Grammar School thanks to a teacher who was forever berating me for being heavier than she thought I should be.
At 5 feet 7 inches, I weighed in at ten and a half stone. There were girls shorter and heavier than me but they were left alone as they came from ‘better backgrounds’.
It got to the stage where I was afraid to undress for gym or showers in front of my classmates, and the baggier my clothes, the happier I was.
Photos: left: compilation weights 1989, 97, 91 Right: at my heaviest 18½ stone in 2001
I have always been a ‘big girl’, but there are variants to the bigness, some medication induced, others comfort eating and depression, but most despairing was the constant put downs by friends and family to such an extent that I got the jokes in first about double chins, wobbly bits, and making a chalk mark when being cuddled.
I do not consider myself arm candy, but I’m not stupid, and I have feelings, feelings than run deep and are scarred. I was told not to be so sensitive or touchy as they teased about how much I ate (‘Does she never stop eating?’ at a wedding reception when I went up for some more sausage rolls), this being brought to the attention of all who’d listen.
In the end I wouldn’t eat in front of anyone except family, but I wasn’t a secret eater raiding cupboards at midnight or hiding things under my bed.
I tried to be what everyone expected or wanted me to be, and the result was meltdown.
The most difficult thing to handle is balance. It’s not just a balance of food, but attitude and sense of well being.
Being eligible for a free 12 week membership to Slimming World in 2016 was a life saver.
Had I not lost the weight we would not have found the lump so early, and my brush with breast cancer could have turned out very differently.
During my membership and the extensions I purchased, I lost almost three stone in weight. This is my favourite picture from that time and what I’m aiming for now.
I have learned a lot about food and although I had the right idea all those years ago about fruit and veg, I got the quantities and ratios wrong. I feel this is something that could be taught in schools, food groups and balance for a healthy diet. I’m no expert, and can only go by personal experience, but I started putting my progress, recipes and photos of meals here in my blog in the hope that it would help at least one person who had experienced the pain of being the wrong shape, the wrong height and the wrong weight with all the negativity that goes with it.
If we don’t like the way we look, we tend not to like ourselves, and if we don’t like the person we are, what’s the point of expecting anyone else to like us?
Which brings me to the picture.
I see a person who is afraid/ashamed/embarrassed to face the world, a person who cannot face themselves and turns away from reality to hide behind the scenes. It’s a sad picture, because the onlooker does not see the same image as the person concerned. This is where image plays a part as we convince ourselves we are unworthy, fat, unlikable and unloved, purely because we do not conform to what is considered ‘normal’, tick the boxes of charts designed by ‘professional experts’ who have probably never had a weight problem to contend with so have no understanding or compassion for those who do.
We are all individuals, we have talents, gifts and faults. It is not the wrapping that counts, but what’s inside the package.