Tale Weaver #225: Reflections

This week consider the concept of reflection. In a physical sense it happens when we look in the mirror, or when we see our reflection in shop windows as we pass by. Both can be equally scary!!

But reflection can also be an internal process where we consider past and or present events in our lives and evaluate the impact, if any, they had on us, albeit character building or just life experience.

Michael invites us to go where the prompt leads and looks forward to reading our responses on his original post below.

I wrote this post over five years ago, and it still holds true, but with recent events, I’ve been reflecting on my life, more aware than ever of how precious life is and how important it is to me to not only be loved, but able to love in return.
The catalyst for me to visit Bro in NZ in 2010 was the loss of my BIL, who wasn’t that much older than me. It proved then that we never know what’s around the corner, and how in the blink of an eye, life as we know it is abruptly changed.

I am fortunate to have Hubby in my life, though we have had a few heart scares with both of us. It’s a wake up call on not taking things for granted and trying to get our ducks in a row in case of calamity, tragedy, or misfortune.
We are both practical people, good at working through a crisis, but when that is actually at our door, understandably things can fall apart.

I find myself thinking of times way back, most happy memories of childhood and growing up, then my adult years and the problems I faced. Going through divorce, I was able to return to the parental home and had their love and support through that difficult period.
I moved away and when that relationship started to crack, I was on my own to deal with it.
Once capable and confident of driving, I went ‘home’ practically every weekend rather than stay with a person I could not bear near me. Responsibility made me return for the weekdays, but I was working so it wasn’t that bad. I methodically planned my leaving, and it’s a miracle that neither he or his family got wind of it.
I’m not proud of the way I left, but I had no other choice, knowing from past efforts him preying on my conscience and empty promises to change which lasted less than a week.
It made me stronger though, and more determined not to be taken for a mug again.

Losing Dad in 1996 and Mum last year left an emptiness that cannot be filled. I dream of them together, young, fit and happy, and that thought warms my heart.
I wish family circumstances were different, but accept the way things are.

I’m a firm believer in that the past makes us what we are today. Life throws us curve balls and we can either duck, get hit, or have a damn good go at fielding them out elsewhere.
We learn by example or experience, and whilst it may not be very nice at the time, it can be turned around. In my case, it was being stubborn, refusing to be browbeaten, and the support of my Dad and Bro who turned up with the van to collect me that Friday in March thirty years ago.

Thirty years. Almost half my life. I have done so many ‘firsts’, shared high and lows, beaten cancer, got out of debt, and share my life with a guy who loves me wrinkles, warts, wobbly bits and all. Life is good and I am truly blessed. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

About pensitivity101

I am a retired number cruncher with a vivid imagination and wacky sense of humour which extends to short stories and poetry. I love to cook and am a bit of a dog whisperer as I get on better with them than people sometimes! We have recently lost our beloved dog Maggie who adopted us as a 7 week old pup in March 2005. We decided to have a photo put on canvas as we had for her predecessor Barney, and now have three pictures of our fur babies on the wall as we found a snapshot of my GSD so had hers done too. From 2014 to 2017 'Home' was a 41 foot narrow boat where we made strong friendships both on and off the water. We were close to nature enjoying swan and duck families for neighbours, and it was a fascinating chapter in our lives. We now reside in a small bungalow on the Lincolnshire coast where we have forged new friendships and interests.
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12 Responses to Tale Weaver #225: Reflections

  1. Sadje says:

    A wonderful share. A life’s introspection truly inspiring

  2. wildchild47 says:

    I think your words reflect a wisdom that has been gleaned through experiences – both good and bad – and sometimes, it’s when we finally recognize our own fears, which are what are limiting us, and finally allow ourselves to surrender to them, as in, stop trying to fight them and ourselves, that things really change; this can happen in so many ways, – like “staying stuck” in abusive relationships etc. or friendships etc. We give ourselves reasons, we’re persistent, etc. we make allowances, but I think, when we’re finally truly ready, we come to the understanding that this isn’t about trying to set things right with someone else, it’s about forgiving ourselves for our own “follies” — you used the term “mug” — and the truth is, at least it seems to me, from my own experiences and general observations, that when we just accept ourselves, and the things that are happening, as stop “blaming” or undermining ourselves, in a sense, choosing to accept our “failures, or weaknesses” (which are terms I don’t like using, in this circumstances) then we find strength. And you’re lucky Di – that you’ve had supportive and caring people “show up” at the right time, to help you, and you were able and willingly to accept it. That is something. And the fact that with time, I presume, you’ve come to understand so much about yourself, and have been able to learn and grow, and sift the trash from what’s truly important to you, makes a world of difference. I think this is where the magic happens – not necessarily that troubles or problems won’t come, but rather, you end up better prepared and able to forge through – and still find Love and Beauty in the world. Maybe it’s about self-compassion.

    Interesting post – and yes, even if an “oldie” – it seems to me, as you’ve noted, it still resonates deeply with you – and that’s something worth considering with a sense of accomplishment and joy.

    • Thank you so much for your comment.
      I did learn a lot about myself in the relationship before I met Hubby. It wasn’t all good, but once I realised that, I could do something about changing for the future. You can’t change what’s gone, but we can improve on the bad things.
      I have my fostering experience which I wouldn’t change for all the tea in China, and I know that when I finally left, I had tried everything to make the relationship work, so there was no likelihood of What if’s, or If Only as I’d done all that. I am glad that one of the boys sought me out a couple of years later, and there was no malice there. We’ve lost touch now, but it gave me a sense of closure I guess.

      • wildchild47 says:

        Life is a journey – each of us destined, fated (?) to live what we will — I think it can be comforting to know, that we’re not alone in our “particulars” i.e. often, people suffer in silence, thinking they are the only ones, so when we eventually come to learn that others too, are/have experienced similar hardships and difficulties can make it easier to know, that things can change. It seems to make it less “critical” in one’s own mind (by this I mean, we can learn to be more forgiving and less judgmental of ourselves).

        – and closure is an “interesting” concept – sometimes it comes in the most unexpected wrappings.

      • You are so right.

  3. joyroses13 says:

    Awh! A lovely post! You are so right.the past does definitely shape us and how we deal with those curve balls that inadvertently will be thrown sometime in your life!
    So glad you have fought through the hard times and you come back continuing to swing and enjoy life! < 3

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