Tale Weaver # 224 – Estrangement – May 23rd.

Michael’s challenge:
https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/19271780/posts/2286579485
This week I am asking you to explore the concept of estrangement. It happens to so many of us.
Funny when family feel like, and mostly are, strangers.
Close knit nuclear units are rare these days, and when I hear of one, it warms my heart.
Estrangement isn’t necessarily by distance, but when relationships
are strained
for whatever reason, it can make olive branches and doves of peace pretty much useless.

Growing up, I was often compared to my sister. Not just by family, but at school as we overlapped by a year, so obviously teaching staff expected me to be like her. Never encouraged in subjects I was good at like music, maths or written English, I was chastised for not being good at languages, needlecraft or sport.
We’ve never been close, certainly not like you see on TV shows like The Waltons or Little House on the Prairie, and I know it used to upset my Mum when we’d be bickering or arguing practically all the time. Things came to a head when a jelly, complete with glass dish was rammed in my face and I slapped her. I learned to keep my temper in check after that.

Things didn’t improve when we married, we had about a year of mutual commiseration over our prospective divorces but get on best when she’s Down South and I’m here.
I’ve had no contact from her since Christmas when she sent me her new address, not even for my birthday (Other Brother forgot too), and to be honest, I wasn’t surprised.

With Mum gone, there is no need for me to visit family there. They have my email, home address and phone number and I have their mobiles. I’m not on facebook, nor want to be, but got it in the neck when details of Mum’s funeral were posted on facebook and I didn’t get the memo.
I’ll never know exactly what I’ve done
, but having received correspondence regarding Mum’s affairs signed off ‘Best regards’, I’m now indifferent and refuse to beat myself up over something I cannot change.
You could say I should make the first move, but I’ve been doing that for years and have grown tired of having my efforts thrown back at me or ignored completely.
Readers will probably think it’s a terrible way to feel about one’s siblings, but they have their own lives and social circle in which I don’t fit, and I have mine.
It works for everybody, and if someone wants to contact me (provided they don’t want to borrow any money) that’s fine.

About pensitivity101

I am a retired number cruncher with a vivid imagination and wacky sense of humour which extends to short stories and poetry. I love to cook and am a bit of a dog whisperer as I get on better with them than people sometimes! We have recently lost our beloved dog Maggie who adopted us as a 7 week old pup in March 2005. We decided to have a photo put on canvas as we had for her predecessor Barney, and now have three pictures of our fur babies on the wall as we found a snapshot of my GSD so had hers done too. From 2014 to 2017 'Home' was a 41 foot narrow boat where we made strong friendships both on and off the water. We were close to nature enjoying swan and duck families for neighbours, and it was a fascinating chapter in our lives. We now reside in a small bungalow on the Lincolnshire coast where we have forged new friendships and interests.
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26 Responses to Tale Weaver # 224 – Estrangement – May 23rd.

  1. tidalscribe says:

    It is very common and we have a separation in our family. My sister is exactly six years younger and we get on well. Perhaps a wider gap helps, we were never at the same school at the same time. We always got on well, but my brother in the middle felt left out! Our lives have been completely different, on opposite sides of the world, but we are still on the same wavelength. Cyberspouse and his three brothers each have their own lives and hardly ever phone, let alone see each other, no reason except inertia!

  2. Sadje says:

    Oh, I agree with you. There is just that much you can do, even if it’s family.

  3. msjadeli says:

    I can relate to your post, Di. It’s unfortunate that terminal estrangements in families happen.

  4. Michael says:

    Families can be difficult can’t they. I’ve been lucky in that regard, my brothers and sister tolerate me especially when they want me to do something for them.It could always be worse.

  5. colonialist says:

    Sibling relationships have to be a two-way stream. If not, one is better off without them. It is actually as simple as that.
    Having said which, it is lovely to see them lasting for a lifetime, and when I observe one like that I regret having been an only child, although in compensation I did ‘adopt’ my wife’s 13-year-younger sister.

  6. wildchild47 says:

    At some point, as you’ve noted, and for as difficult as it can come to be, to understand, you just have to recognize and accept the differences, and certainly stop trying to figure out the “whys” – and get on with one’s life. I think what makes it initially difficult in these types of circumstances, is that we are often led to believe that “family” and “blood” is to be held in the highest esteem, with certain “blind loyalties” etc. And it’s not necessarily the case. Choosing to be “respectfully” disengaged from others isn’t a “bad thing” – it just is. And if you’re able to live and lead a rich and fulfilling life, that doesn’t necessarily include the others in question? Then why not. Life is too short to be wound up in all of the dramas. And sometimes, one’s health is far better without it all. I know, it certainly has been the case for me – and in my “family” – we’ve brought the “fun” in dysfunctional to extreme heights. It’s taken me ages to “walk away” and not be affected, but it was worth it, just for my sanity.

    • I couldn’t have put it better!
      I cannot change the way things are. I am happy with my life and hope she is too.

      • wildchild47 says:

        That’s it. And I’m not saying it’s easy “getting” to this point (you’ve mentioned beating yourself up and probably feeling confused and guilty etc.) – but when you finally do arrive at a place of respectful distance? Well, it’s a huge relief. And it’s far easier then, to truly wish the other happiness and peace (even when some nasty instances rear again, as they often do).

        Your comment makes me think of part of The Serenity Prayer:

        God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
        Courage to change the things I can,
        And wisdom to know the difference.

        (and how this doesn’t necessarily need to relate in any religious sense) …. and maybe, when we finally get to this, we have “arrived”

      • So very true, especially as it can relate to all walks of life and circumstances. Thank you so much for commenting. 🙂

      • wildchild47 says:

        my pleasure Di – have a most wonderful weekend, I hope 🙂

      • You too. Weather looks promising so lots of walks along the beach!

      • wildchild47 says:

        that sounds wonderful — we’re still playing see-saw weather wise, but it seems it might be “fair” enough, so that’ll have to do, and maybe, we’ll be pleasantly surprised!

      • We’ve finally turned our heating off (ridiculous for May when we usually do it in March!). Town will be busy so we’ll be walking anywhere or shopping elsewhere as the supermarket shelves are normally cleared by midday!

      • wildchild47 says:

        I hear you on the weather woes. Here too, heating only *just* turned off, and honestly, I’m wearing more layers than “normal” because I’m freezing …. it’s definitely been a very “cold and wet, dreary” May. Hopefully all fortunes will change … sooner than later!

      • I’m in joggers and a tee shirt……….. mind you I’m always in joggers and a tee shirt! Still, at least no cardy or coat today!

      • wildchild47 says:

        LOL – sounds more or less, like me … except I’e just had a steaming hot shower and am now wearing a long sleeved top, with a holey, once warm, woollen hoodie/cardy. Go figure! Well at least the sun is sort of out and the windows are open 😉

      • Comfort rules. 😀

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