Going our separate ways…………

I had so wanted to avoid this, but it would appear we have little choice now.
Following Hubby’s appointment yesterday, it was confirmed that we are doing all the right things but they’re not working.
Avoiding spicy food, not eating a large meal in the evening (still aiming for our main meal of the day between midday and 1 pm), eating little and often bland meals, doing a process of elimination for triggers, not too many sweet things, avoiding processed meats and foods, not eating anything after 7pm and watching the weight.
At night he is sleeping more or less upright as lying down makes the reflux worse, so rather than disturb the two girls in his life if he has to get up, he’s still in the spare room.

For the past four months, we have been working together and I think we’ve made good progress, even if it means I have to eat the tomatoes, green beans, and now onions on my own. Though saying that, we have found that by adding a teaspoon of sugar to our tomatoes when cooking, it helps to neutralise the acidity so he can have them in moderation (which is good as we’re having a two day chilli today and tomorrow).

We did a lot of talking last night about meals and food in general and agree our dietary needs are now going in different directions.
Five or six meals throughout the day doesn’t work for me and I need those extra veggies and fruit, whereas he can’t eat too much of those and needs smaller dinners.
So we have compromised.

Already breakfast is our own thing, he gets his porridge when he gets up and I prefer to get my own fruit and/cereal, so that’s not a problem.
Photo: forest fruits breakfast with apricots and granola (no milk)

Our kitchen isn’t big enough for us to work independently side by side (unless we’re washing up) so we’ve agreed that I’ll cook our main meal but with smaller portions which will benefit us both, then he will get himself anything else as and when he fancies it. I’ll get myself something SW friendly around 5 pm.

It’s the only way we can do this as I’ve been getting ratty trying to plan meals which he then either doesn’t fancy or I’ve got to tweak to suit his appetite which varies day to day, and he’s been feeling guilty because he’s always hungry and snacking, or can’t eat the full meal I’ve prepared.

Today, I invested in smaller cereal bowls for the morning and we shall use our current bowls for chillis and curries, as we are already using them for our stews.
So we have gone from this (photo April 2018)

to this (today).

To coin a phrase, every little bit helps.


About pensitivity101

I am a retired number cruncher with a vivid imagination and wacky sense of humour which extends to short stories and poetry. I love to cook and am a bit of a dog whisperer as I get on better with them than people sometimes! In November 2020, we lost our beloved Maggie who adopted us as a 7 week old pup in March 2005. We decided to have a photo put on canvas as we had for her predecessor Barney. We now have three pictures of our fur babies on the wall as we found a snapshot of Kizzy, my GSD when Hubby and I first met so had hers done too. On February 24th 2022 we were blessed to find Maya, a 13 week old GSD pup who has made her own place in our hearts. You can follow our training methods, photos and her growth in my blog posts. From 2014 to 2017 'Home' was a 41 foot narrow boat where we made strong friendships both on and off the water. We were close to nature enjoying swan and duck families for neighbours, and it was a fascinating chapter in our lives. We now reside in a small bungalow on the Lincolnshire coast where we have forged new friendships and interests.
This entry was posted in budgets, change, diary, food, health, shopping and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to Going our separate ways…………

  1. fransiweinstein says:

    My aunt suffered with acid reflux, it is very uncomfortable and, actually, quite debilitating. Do you have nutritional supplements like Boost? Might be worth a try if you do. They might be a good, healthy, tolerable meal for your hubby.

    • He’s not exactly a fussy eater, but likes basics and plain, so me cooking fits in very well as I don’t do fancy! He’s content with veg soup or anything with rice, and is taking vitamin supplements every other day as it clashes with his others meds. We will get there, it;s just a matter of trial and error. Thanks for your input though. It’s something we can look out for.

      • fransiweinstein says:

        Acid reflux isn’t about being fussy. It’s a medical condition and it’s really difficult to find food that doesn’t irritate it. In my aunt’s case, she’d be okay with certain food for a period of time and then, all of a sudden that would start to bother her. So it was a constant case of trial and error.

      • Ah, wrong terminolgy on my part I think, What I meant was Hubby likes plain cooking, but quantity and taste varies so much, it’s difficult to gauge what to cook, let alone how much. My two day chilli is good because tomorrow we’ll have it with a jacket potato and I can have extra veggies. Some days he doesn’t want anything ‘major’ so will have soup and I get myself something else. Indeed it is all trial and error, and as you say with your Aunt, what was OK before suddenly isn’t. I feel we’ve got the tee shirt on that (sigh).

      • fransiweinstein says:

        Sounds like you do, although I think it comes with the territory, so to speak. I had another aunt who suffered with Crohn’s — same thing — she never knew what was going to trigger an attack. Bottom line? Do your best to stay healthy — often it’s out of our control, but whatever steps we can take to prevent health problems from cropping up are well worth taking. Of course, human nature being what it is, we tend to learn these lessons after the ship has sailed. What is it they say about hindsight?

      • Quite Fransi. I keep thinking about our early days together and Hubby ending up in hospital from eating ‘healthy’ compared to junk food! Still, we are working it out, and the shopping list won’t have that many changes thank goodness!

      • fransiweinstein says:

        You’re doing everything you can do.

  2. So there is no other medication they can offer?

    • He’s on the right meds for his current condition, and is now being referred to someone else. There may be a procedure to help, but it’s a three to four hour journey each way which he would have to make for the consultation, then another trip for the procedure if he’s suitable, then a return the following day to have the investigative tool removed , then a further visit for the result. The guy said he could always stay over in a hotel (!!!!!) for three nights and couldn’t seem to grasp that we were on a limited income.
      We shall see what happens. I’ve said to Hubby that if he wanted to go for it, we’d budget accordingly for him to go on his own, but we know the journey itself will leave him in agony as I couldn’t relieve him in the driving. It’s hoped they might be able to fit him into a hospital that can do this procedure that is closer, and this actually doable in his circumstances..

  3. I have sleep for years with pillows that has sitting up due for acid reflux. Has your husband tested for Gluten Intolerance?

    • We tried an experiment and discovered anything yeasty affects him, so have scrapped bread and he’s having pitta bread instead. He also has a gluten free option cake if we’re out with no after effects, so there may be something in that.He hasn’t been officially tested for intolerance though.

      • The grains involved are wheat, eye and barley. If oats are sent down the cut after wheat they could effect. I know GF foods are higher than other foods but they are cheaper than doctors. Most of my medical problems have been caused because I ate gluten all these years. I envy as Britain seems to have more GF foods. Used Cornflour in place of wheat flower. There tacopica, coconut flours.

      • I switched to cornflour for my sauces a little while ago, and stopped using gravy granules, using just the stock cube. This has also had a positive effect.

      • PS: You can eat also. I have been on a GF diet since 1995 a d my husband has eaten the foods. BTY, I lost 50/60 pounds when I first went on the diet. As I learned a out cooking GF I gain some of it bacK but never had a weight gain I had before. If you plan on getting diagnose don’t give up gluten .just be your diet to get a accurate reading. There are ma y GF recipes on the internet.

      • Thank you for this information. It is certainly worth looking into.

  4. I don’t know if your husbands tried a proton inhibitor like Prevacid but they do work . Good luck with this , sounds like your on the right diet routine!😊

  5. Paula Light says:

    This is more a philosophical comment, but I don’t see anything wrong with “separate ways” regarding meals. It’s one of the few things I appreciated about my marriage. Ex and I didn’t get along that well in many areas, but we did agree that there was no need for us to eat the same food at the same time if that didn’t work for health reasons or if we simply didn’t feel like it. Unfortunately, every man I’ve dated since disagrees with this concept and gets huffy if I don’t want to eat the same food as him at the same time. 🙄

    • It’s funny how people can be so different.
      I feel I’ve failed in not providing him with a good meal that he can enjoy, and have always cooked for or been part of a family where we all ate together. We do like different things, so the compromise will suit as both, each without offending the other.

  6. Suze says:

    I almost hate to ask, but health is on the line. Has he had a cardiac checkup? Acid reflux can sometimes be a symptom of aortic rupture…my husband is a cardiac intensive care nurse with years of experience, and when I asked about the reflux he said “tell her to take her husband for a cardiac ultrasound”. He said males of a “certain age” sometimes have acid reflux for a few months before their cardiac problems become bed enough for surgery. So, if he has not had a check, please do get him one.

    • Bless you and your husband for your kind thoughts and advice. I appreciate it.
      Yes, he’s been tested for that and has had an endoscopy, ultra sound, and other tests. He has what they term as ‘stable angina’ so is on meds for that as well as a variety of other problems.
      He’s being referred to someone else now, so we shall see where that leads.

  7. Sadje says:

    You have been given very kind and relevant advice from all your well wishers. All I can add are prayers for a healthy and better tomorrow for you both. I was once told by a doctor that one of the greatest blessings God has given man is his ability to adapt.

Comments are closed.