Today, 18th July

I lit a candle here today and set it in front of my parents’ photograph on the table.
It’s 6 months ago today that my Mum died. Half a year, and in that half year, we’ve had my Dad’s birthday and Father’s Day, Mother’s Day and Mum’s birthday.
Coming up in August is their Wedding Anniversary, and the Book of Remembrance at the Crematorium will be open on that day with an entry in it for them. Hubby and I won’t be able to go down to read it, but we shall light another candle here.

We lit candles in the Stump at the weekend and asked MOH if he would like to light one for Happy Chappy. He said No, she was gone and that was that.
We’ve discovered that MOH thought we were RC because we lit candles for those we loved who are no longer with us. He didn’t really understand why we did it if it wasn’t a religious thing, and in a subsequent conversation, said something I found a little odd.

We all grieve differently, and when Happy Chappy died in 2000, we know he was devastated, even though they knew her cancer was terminal. I was somewhat surprised when he said he only thought of her ‘sometimes’ after all it was ‘twenty years ago’.
Well, not quite, and I think of her often for various reasons, darts, double 1 becoming double runner bean when we practiced in her kitchen, eating huge whipped ice creams and getting covered as it melted faster than we could lick, her fantastic sponge cakes, her sense of humour, the students we had and cramping their style watching Crocodile Dundee 2 at the flicks and lots of other little things I remember of my friend that always make me smile.

MOH told me I had to stop dwelling on the past, and beating myself up on regret and guilt.
He said I talked about it too much, and had to ‘let it go’ as he’d heard it all before.
We haven’t seen him since the funeral and Hubby’s DVT diagnosis, and only spoken to him a couple of times on the phone when we’ve called to see how he is, not to discuss my family, though obviously I had mentioned my sister before when I talked about Mum and dementia.

Am I wrong and I do dwell on it? I’m a little confused as to why he should think otherwise, but I have no regrets and feel no guilt as regards anything Hubby and I did or tried to do for my Mum when she was alive. Sure things could have been different, but they weren’t and I couldn’t do anything about that. We did what we could with the cards we were dealt.
Dad’s been gone 22 years and Mum has recently joined him, though for them Time is immaterial. I wish they were here to share so many things, and if by lighting a candle they could find their way to us to do that, I am content with the thought.
I’m not afraid to talk about them and it has nothing to do with guilt or regret. I loved my parents very much and miss them both. I have a lot of happy memories, many I’ve shared here in my blog.
Hubby misses his father who died in 2004 and remembers things they did together when he was growing up. He also recalls the debates he and I had, knowing his Dad deliberately got a rise out of me because he loved to hear another person’s view. He doesn’t talk a lot about him but when we light candles, there is always one for him too.

No, it’s not a religious thing. It’s personal. Very personal in fact.

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About pensitivity101

I am a retired number cruncher with a vivid imagination which extends to short stories and poetry. I love to cook and have a terrible sweet tooth. Best friends are Hubby, our dog Maggie, Bro in NZ, MSM and MOH (and his dog). I am also a bit of a dog whisperer as I get on better with them than people sometimes! Due to a nightmare of a house sale in 2014, 'Home' was a 41 foot narrow boat until April 2017. We made strong friendships both on and off the water, and enjoyed swan and duck families for neighbours. Sadly times change and we were once again house hunting until September. We now reside in a small bungalow a short distance from the beach on the Lincolnshire coast.
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6 Responses to Today, 18th July

  1. Relax... says:

    What a sweet idea! The only persons I ever saw light a candle to a loved one, outside of Mass, were religious sisters. Why I never thought to do so on my parents’ (and others’) anniversaries of passing, I’ll never know. It’s so intimate. I’m so very glad you mentioned it. They are alive in our hearts; there is no such thing as dwelling on the past in this. ❤

    • Thank you. They are indeed forever in our hearts, and will never be forgotten as long as at least one of us remembers. I am not a religious person as such, but believe in Something greater than all of us. I do not think you have to go to church to pray, and lighting a candle can be anywhere.

  2. Mws R says:

    Thanks for sharing. Losing someone we love is felt and dealt with in each person’s own unique ways.
    Although it has been 21 years since I was home back to my dad and moms, when they pass I will have to deal with it my way. Although others think I should not think of them.
    No you’re not wrong for thinking of them, remembering and such.

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