We arrived at 1.38pm after a 5 am start. Mum was resting and we were shown to her new room, which was below the ground floor but accessible via a lift.
The staff were very nice and attentive, explaining that Mum had had her breakfast but no lunch yet.
The last time I saw Mum was Sept 4th, a week or so before she was taken into the care home. There had been a little deterioration since the wedding in July, but she was chipper and up and about, and we took her out for ice cream.
Photos taken at the wedding.
I spoke to her last weekend though and she knew who I was in the beginning.
I was not prepared, but not surprised either, when I saw her, a frail old lady asleep in bed.
I got a chair and taking her hand, sat down beside her.
There was no response.
Hubby and I said ‘Hello Mum’ gently a few times, but she was dreaming deeply.
Once or twice she stirred, but slipped back into dreamland.
Hubby left to do his shopping saying he’d come back in a couple of hours.
I talked to Mum as she lay sleeping, mentioning her cardigan and how I remembered her knitting that one. This then progressed to Dad’s cardy and the fact I still have it, even though I did a terrible repair on the elbow.
That made her smile, or maybe she was dreaming of somewhere happier.
Then my sister and niece arrived.
She was surprised and a little annoyed I hadn’t told her we were coming.
I had nothing to say to her really, so just made small talk and that we didn’t know when we would be able to due to the length of the journey.
I told her we’d finally found a house and left it at that.
She’s hurt her back and is in the process of downsizing her possessions ready to sell up. She intends to get a buyer first before looking for somewhere but says her house isn’t on the market yet. The latest beau is decorating for her and was planning to take her to a posh hotel for the night to give her a ‘night off’.
The nurse came to change the dressing on Mum’s leg so we had to leave the room though Sis stayed as she wanted to ‘overview’ and keep on top of the healing process. It seems the tear is healing, but as Mum’s skin is so paper thin, it is just splitting open and weeping.
Everything is healing, albeit slowly. We went back in and Sis took the chair, the small talk getting smaller and more difficult for me.
Sis and her daughter eventually left and I resumed my place holding Mum’s hand by her bedside.
I told her a bit about our new house, and about finding the seashell. I placed it on the side along with all my letters. My card and poem had arrived but she hadn’t seen them yet.
I noticed some photos of Mum, my sister and her family up on the wall. The one of all of us at the wedding is at the top with everyone’s name underneath.
She had two advent calendars, the one I sent hadn’t been opened but the one Sis has given her has open windows. I was pleased she had been having a chocolate treat every day.
She seemed to be having a bad dream so I stroked her head and told her everything was OK and that I was there. I said I was sorry we hadn’t been before, but I hoped she knew I was with her and she wasn’t alone.
She turned her head, opened her eyes and smiled at me. I hope in that fleeting second of recognition, it registered that I was there and was not a dream.
She mumbled something I couldn’t catch and went back to sleep.
For almost another hour I sat there holding her hand and talking to her with no further interruptions.
Mum as a Bunny Girl
pensitivity101 
Sounds like a sad visit. So you weren’t able to converse with her? The last stages of life are always so sad.
No, but I did get that fleeting smile which will stay with me always. It’s a different story today and we have spoken on the phone.
It’s such a shame that you drove so far for what turned out to be a bad day. Low expectations work best.
I went in with an open mind, not knowing what I was going to find to be honest. MOH is still full of this flu bug so I’m not prepared to run the risk of taking it into the home by returning there before we go back.
This is a sad journey you’re on, but so good you are with her. She may or may not know you are there (although I like to think she does), but you know and that should be a comfort to you.
I am glad I have been able to see her since she went into the nursing home. I hope that we will be able to share a better visit in the future. Until then, I shall continue to write every week and ring to speak to her once in a while too. I worry that she gets upset and anxious not knowing who is on the other end of the phone, so I take each day as it comes.
It’s all you can do.
As long as your Mum is as comfortable as can be expected, that’s all you can hope for really. She may not have openly recognised you, but I think they do know you’re there.
I do so hope so…….. just that single moment of recognition that may come to the front of her mind eventually.
Yes 🙂
I remember when Nancy Reagan was interviewed, She was asked, “Do you miss him (Ronald Reagan)?” She said, “I lost him 10 years ago.” She was with him every day in those 10 years.
We don’t understand Alzheimer. My mom had that for years. We just do our best to be with our loved ones as much as possible and as long as possible.
It’s a heartbreaking double edged sword. To see a moment of recognition, then wonder if it’s a trick of the light. I have good memories though, and I have spoken to her since Thursday.
I’m glad you have. I’m sure you’re doing your best to keep that light shining in her to keep her going. Happy holidays to you and your family!
Thanks Miriam.
You’re welcome. Merry Christmas!!
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