Familiar, or familiarity?

One of the radio topics today is allegations of unacceptable behaviour and sexual misconduct amongst celebrities and politicians.
It is a difficult subject, one which happens in all walks of life, and is not to be made light of or dismissed as knee jerk reactions.

Having fostered teenagers who were victims of sexual abuse, I am aware of some of the reactions to said allegations, founded or not.
This post is not about that, but more of an instance in an office where I worked.
I am not a particularly tactile person, and a bit choosy who I hug or who I allow to hug me.
This particular person was more than a hugger though as far as I know, not a groper.
It was nothing for him to put his arms around the shoulders/chest of my fellow female workers, leaning into their hair and giving them a cuddle as he chatted.

He tried it with me…………… ONCE.
I felt uncomfortable and embarrassed, but not wanting to make an issue of it, I simply told him quietly that I didn’t like it and please not to touch me again. He accepted that.

I sympathize with anyone who has to work with or come in contact with someone who doesn’t take the hint or refuses to respect another’s personal space.
What is appalling today is that it has taken so long for victims to come forward.

Some time ago, a conversation, somewhat heated, got under way and I voiced my opinion that the most likely reason for such a delay was because the victims felt they would not be believed (as were my foster kids), would be made out to be liars or worse, had given their abusers encouragement, or that they were over-reacting.

No-one has a right to be over familiar, touchy feelie or otherwise with somebody else without their consent. Gender doesn’t come into it.
Even the most innocent of actions can lead to emotional inner turmoil which can take years to recover from.
And that is something I do know first hand.

About pensitivity101

I am a retired number cruncher with a vivid imagination and wacky sense of humour which extends to short stories and poetry. I love to cook and am a bit of a dog whisperer as I get on better with them than people sometimes! We have recently lost our beloved dog Maggie who adopted us as a 7 week old pup in March 2005. We decided to have a photo put on canvas as we had for her predecessor Barney, and now have three pictures of our fur babies on the wall as we found a snapshot of my GSD so had hers done too. From 2014 to 2017 'Home' was a 41 foot narrow boat where we made strong friendships both on and off the water. We were close to nature enjoying swan and duck families for neighbours, and it was a fascinating chapter in our lives. We now reside in a small bungalow on the Lincolnshire coast where we have forged new friendships and interests.
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13 Responses to Familiar, or familiarity?

  1. fransiweinstein says:

    Agree totally.

  2. scifihammy says:

    Well written on a difficult subject.

  3. colinandray says:

    There still seems to be the ignorant male viewpoint that “Well… she asked for it.” We are slowly (painfully slowly) adopting the perspective that men do have choices how they react to a smile, a short skirt, or whatever, and they are now being held accountable for those choices. We are no longer a totally male dominant society, but still pretty close, so let’s hope that progress in that area continues.

    • I admit guys can misread the signs, but No means No, not maybe or perhaps. Lads are abused too and even more embarassed to come forward. The current trend in dress sense and provocative behaviour in our entertainment role models does not help imo.

  4. joyroses13 says:

    As you have seen in my past posts, this subject hits close to home! You are so right, “NO-ONE” has the right to be overly touchy feelie with someone else. My heart goes out to the children that you fostered that were victims of sexual abuse. Its HORRIBLE ! No other word for it. Thankful that those children had you and your hubby to help them through the pain and turmoil, that yes can take years to work through!

    • My fostering days were with an ex partner until 1987, though Hubby and I tried to foster in the 1996 when they were crying out for carers. The social worker we had was obsessed with me giving up work (I was the major wage earner at the time) to foster under 5s when my experience was with troubled teenagers and we were looking at long term with the view to adopt. She was not having it, short term infants or nothing. Hubby showed her the door.

  5. foguth says:

    The aspect of this subject that appalls me is when our youth idolize certain inappropriate

  6. foguth says:

    things done, said, worn by those who really need to rethink their choices… sorry about this being in 2 parts, a certain paw his enter…

  7. Pingback: Radio topic today: Tickling | pensitivity101

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