Love is probably one of the most complicated things we experience, as it has so many faces and depths. It pulls at the heartstrings, divides loyalties, causes rifts, and tears you apart.
L Lasting
O Overpowering
V Volatile
E Emotional
Generally speaking, we love our parents, siblings, partners, pets, friends, even toys, all in varying degrees, but each aspect, giver and recipient is different.
The love from a child is unconditional, the love for a child undeniable, though from a parental point of view when there is more than one, love is bottomless, shared, and adaptable.
I suppose to love someone means you put them above everyone and everything else.
In older age, that becomes difficult, conflicting and blinkered depending on where you actually are, either as an onlooker or close participant.
Sometimes it is hard to accept the way things are, to stand by and keep quiet, feeling angry or frustrated because any comment could be seen as critical interference.
Following a fall, and my sister suffering from high blood pressure amongst other things, Mum has gone into Respite for a couple of weeks.
She had a week away a little while ago and thoroughly enjoyed it, looking forward to going again, but all that changed once she got home and she dug her heels in. Mum can be very stubborn!
Now circumstances haven’t given her a choice, and Sis sent me a text message yesterday with the address and phone number.
After receiving it, I needed time on my own to get my thoughts together, and rang the care home concerned.
I spoke to a lovely member of staff, and am confident my Mum is in capable hands and a caring environment. Her room has a view over the park, and there are activities every day.
I can only see this respite period as a good thing, and as she will be fully assessed, perhaps it may necessitate a permanent arrangement.
My Mum needs stimulus, and staying in bed or sitting in her chair by the window all day isn’t providing it, neither is being left to her own devices for whatever reason.
Even if Mum had decided to come and live with us all those years ago, the outcome may well have been the same as it is now (or a part thereof) and I know that I am not the solution.
Having obtained their website, I sent emails to both brothers to fill them in, just in case my sister hadn’t. I was able to provide concise contact details so they were able to see for themselves where Mum was, the care home’s rating and the services provided.
It is a difficult decision, and there are bound to be family issues and conflicts. No-one is at fault, there is no failure, but at the end of the day, our main concerns are for Mum’s care and well-being, even when it hurts like hell.
pensitivity101 
Aw it is the hardest thing when an ageing parent needs more care than we are able to provide. Even if it is the best solution, I do understand how hard it is to make.
I am sure your Mum will settle in her new place and become involved in the day to day activities and in the end, be happier.
We think so, and I am in contact with the home having asked them to put my details in Mum’s file. We shall see what the outcome of her assessment is and takes things from there.
It is all that you can do.
I’ve had an email from the care home and they have put my details in Mum’s file. She seems to be settling in OK, and my letter arrived safely and is on her window cill.
Aw That’s good to know the lines of communication are set up 🙂
I hope your mother gets well.
Thank you for your kind thought. My Mum is still in the care home and it’s not clear yet how long she will stay. Dementia has taken hold so she can be fluid one day and totally confused the next. We all want whatever is best for her. At the moment, she is definitely in the right place as she is responding well and taking part in everything.
It is good to hear that she is in the right place.
We think it’s best for her.