Oh Sacha. This is a good one!
Use the following theme:
That moment you see your ex with their hot new bit and you look like a turd.
‘Well? What was she like?‘
‘Tall, beautiful, willowy,’
‘Hanging on to his arm like a limpet, breathing in his heavy aftershave (I hated it by the way), sucking up to every lying word.’
‘Did they see you?’
‘How do you feel?’
‘Like the bun to her hotdog, pale and stodgy’.