Spoof Diet sheet (aka excuses to eat)

I put a little aside in an earlier post about broken biscuits not having any calories as they’d leaked out during breakage.
Bernadette  came up with eating biscuits standing up as it reduced the calories, to which I suggested that worked because it meant they had further to travel and thus got weaker on the way down.

This has opened up a whole new page in the Diet Rule Book, and I’d welcome your comments about things you’ve heard, tried, and plain laughed at in the world of calorie counting and weight control.

Please note:
This is a humorous post,  and should not be confused with or taken as healthy eating advice.
minion diet joke
Here are just a few suggestions from the spoof diet tip sheet:

Licking the knife after preparing a sandwich doesn’t count as the calories are already accounted for.

Similarly, picking up crumbs of cheese etc after cutting also don’t count as they are included in said sandwich.

Share your meal with a friend……. you halve the calories, and thus can eat twice as much.

Toast has fewer calories than bread as the calories have been dispersed during the cooking process.

Chocolate is a vegetable:
chocolate comes from cocoa, cocoa is a bean, beans are plants, plants belong to the vegetable category, therefore chocolate is a vegetable and can be included as part of your five a day.

Please join in the fun and add your contribution in the comments.
Dieting can be so dull, and to inject a little humour detracts from the hunger pangs.
Besides, it burns calories to laugh (seriously!).
diet towel diet joke 2  dieting


About pensitivity101

I am a retired number cruncher with a vivid imagination which extends to short stories and poetry. I love to cook and have a terrible sweet tooth. Best friends are Hubby, our dog Maggie, Bro in NZ, MSM and MOH (and his dog). I am also a bit of a dog whisperer as I get on better with them than people sometimes! Due to a nightmare of a house sale in 2014, 'Home' was a 41 foot narrow boat until April 2017. We made strong friendships both on and off the water, and enjoyed swan and duck families for neighbours. Sadly times change and we were once again house hunting until September. We now reside in a small bungalow a short distance from the beach on the Lincolnshire coast.
This entry was posted in fiction, food, humour, tongue in cheek and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Spoof Diet sheet (aka excuses to eat)

  1. Made me laugh. My husband insists that anything made with organic ingredients is healthy, including cake, cookies, ice cream, potato chips, and chocolate. I can’t convince him otherwise. Sigh 😀

  2. lbeth1950 says:

    Calories from tasting during cookng don’t count.

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