Those of you familiar with my blog will know that we try not to waste anything, especially money.
In the cottage at the end of our back corridor was floor to ceiling shelving full of DVDs and videos. Like our books, apart from a select few, they went to a charity shop. In fact, the Greyhound Rescue charity to be exact, who as it turned out had run out of DVDs completely and we gave them over 250, so they were rather pleased.
In those days, every once in a while we would pick one up in the supermarket for a fiver or less, get it home, watch it and sigh at our stupidity for buying what we termed as a bummer. This included popular titles with famous names such as the film version of Miami Vice (Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell), Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (Jude Law and Angelina Jolie), and The Other Guys (Mark Wahlberg, Will Ferrell, Samuel L Jackson and Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson).
I’m afraid to say I wasted some money today in purchasing The Battle of Los Angeles.
(Note: it says on the cover NOT Battle Los Angeles, so they can’t be had for copyright)
OK, it was only a pound, being a revamped previously owned copy, but in all honesty
I T W A S D I R E.
Talk about rip off (described by WIKI as a mockbuster, it wasn’t even fun and I should have bought chocolate instead). If you want to read the write up, click here.
The special effects were worse than an early computer game and looked like the test graphics, models and rejects from Independence Day. The acting from an unknown cast was awful rather than awesome, and some of the alien crafts were poorly disguised dustbins with a machine gun pathetically attached. I guessed that the young pilot who turned up in an old fashioned aeroplane that didn’t match his age, had been sent back to the present day after being kidnapped in 1942 before he opened his mouth. I also twigged that he was actually an alien disguised as said pilot to get into a secret reinforced facility (where no-one got in unless they were allowed to) to either rescue or kill a fellow alien captured in 1942 (not made clear or I missed the dialogue that explained it as I was cringing so much). It looked remarkably good for its age, and wonder of wonder, the female lead who brandished a very sharp sword that cut through the attacking metal space ships as they lunged towards her lithe body, was able to speak some of its language. No exact translation was ever forthcoming. Incidentally, as with Angelina Jolie’s character in Sky Captain, she also wore an eye patch after being spat on with green supposed-to-be-acid jello (remember the Alien films?) by the pilot alien.
The gravelly voice of the female ‘cannot-be-killed-just-yet’ pilot was a poor take off of Michelle Rodriguez (Avatar, Fast and Furious francise, S.W.A.T and Battle Los Angeles (the real one)). The time it took for her to get her weapon out of the ‘heavy’ arms bag which weighed as light as a feather the way she was running up the stairs with it, was almost as long as it took me to boil the kettle for a cup of tea. Obviously the alien (graphic beast similar to the hydra in Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief) also wanted a brew and biscuits, because it waved menacingly patient until she was armed and ready before grabbing her and then swallowing her.
In the following scene panning her in the throat cavity (blue/green screen poorly imposed) her colleague threw her a hand grenade which she caught perfectly although his aim chucking it in (under protest of course) was directly opposite.
He miraculously was able to fly the captured alien’s space craft from 1942 purely by looking at it, waving his arms about, screwing his face up in
constipation concentration and twisting imaginary ‘air’ knobs.
If you see this on a shelf and are thinking of spending your money, buy the chocolate.
However, if you want to watch a BRILLIANT scifi film, one which will have you on the edge of your seat, then go for the real McCoy, Battle: Los Angeles.
And No, I didn’t make a mistake in my purchase: we already have this one starring Aaron Eckhart and it’s one of our favourites.