I have never lived alone.
Even when my marriage failed and a following relationship went belly up, I had somewhere to go, someone to care, someone to help pick up the pieces.
I have also written my view on the subject of loss and the different effects it has on people.
But what about the other side of the coin?
Hands up those who thought my post today was going to be about teenagers or young people falling in love for the first time?
Quite a few of you perhaps.
I believe that Love is for everyone, and that the ‘Young Love’ of my title applies to the first and early stages of this complex emotion.
No matter your age, someone may come along and turn your world upside down, or even set it on fire.
For Hubby and I, it just kind of sneaked up on us. We were both suffering from broken relationships and the last thing we wanted was someone else’s emotional baggage when we were trying to deal with our own. We became friends, had nothing to offer each other apart from ourselves (baggage and all!) and well, the rest is history.
A great-aunt was engaged to her sweetheart for almost 40 years.
For them, it was a case of parental responsibility, he caring for his elderly mother until her death, only for my great-aunt to have to care for her mother, my great-grandmother, for several years after that. They eventually wed and shared about fifteen years of married life.
I have known couples who have been married for many years and suddenly they are on their own for one reason or another.
For those widowed, several are adamant they will never marry again as they believe their lost partner can never be replaced or they feel they are being disloyal to their memory.
For those separated, it can be a case of once bitten, twice shy.
Yet some naturally need someone to look after or share their life and will readily try again.
But think on this scenario.
A person enters your life and everything changes.
For a while, you nurture this new relationship, keeping it to yourself.
You are happier, calmer, less stressed and more easy-going.
You take a bigger interest in yourself, your home and your surroundings.
Your attitude changes, you see things, and people, differently.
You realise you’re In Love.
Now add your age, say you are in later life, with a grown up family.
How will they react to the situation?
Will they understand?
Will they see you differently?
Will they see you as a person with feelings, emotions, needs?
How will they handle the New Love in your life?
Will this new person be accepted?
Can she/he accept your family and the comparisons bound to be made?
Can you all deal with the Family Politics and Conflicts that may arise?
Imagine the following relationships:
A couple of teenagers in the throes of first love.
A pair of newlyweds about to embark on a new journey called Marriage.
Two pensioners, both widowed and starting a new relationship as a couple.
The ‘S’ word may easily come to mind.
Of course, it’s all very Sweet.
In my mind though, this sums it up:
pensitivity101 
I can imagine many “older relationships” are stressed by the non-acceptance of offspring. Perception, in this context, is very odd. Surely my grandmother never had sex! What do two seniors have to offer each other? Intimacy at their age is disgusting! These are typical views of many “younger” (used very loosely) people. For some reason they (and I was there once) cannot comprehend the fact that older people are quite capable of having, and nurturing, a loving relationship. Having had two kids, both of whom acted (in their teens) as if they had just invented sex (what did we know about such things), I am not sure what the answer is!!!!
You’ve got my point exactly. Family politics are bad enough in divorce cases, but offspring tend not to see their parents (widowed or otherwise) as people and the thought of them ‘doing it’ makes them cringe. I was pleased for my ex father in law having found a new partner, but his timing sucked as he announced his engagement less than three months after burying his wife. The family never forgave him and were also against me when I refused to hate her purely because they said I should.
I’ve always believed that it takes two to make a relationship, just as it takes two to destroy one. The concept therefore that one person should carry the blame is, to me, distasteful and generally based on ignorance of all the circumstances. The whole idea that you must “take sides” is very strange and illogical to me, and I’ve experienced it first hand. My “guide” in many situations, including these is “Give your time to those who give you their time.” It works well! 🙂
I totally agree.
It’s nice when families don’t make waves.
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