A feeling of self worth

I had two interesting posts in my reader this morning, both of which reflected on us as individuals, how others see us, and what the outcome may be on our mental health.
Some years ago, I wrote a piece entitled ‘Are You an Also Person’ for a competition, and the feedback was that rather than the short story it was intended to be, it read more like a newspaper article, so I used it as one of my first entries when I started this blog.
It didn’t see much traffic, but having read these articles today, it might be worth a look.

It’s interesting to find out how other people see us, or maybe I should say ‘if’ they see the real us, due to misconceptions and misunderstandings and their own interpretations as to the way we act and conduct ourselves.
For instance, if someone is always laughing and joking does that mean they’re happy, or just covering up their lack of confidence?  For my part, always being a ‘Big Girl’, I got the fat jokes in before everyone else to hide the hurt such comments evoked, which in turn resulted in an even lower self esteem.

I grew up living in the shadow of an older sister but accepted that was just the way it was. Breaking away from the parental home and county after my divorce opened up a new can of worms and challenges for me, all of which I had to face and deal with more or less on my own. I learned an important lesson in trying to be what was expected, losing my own identity in the process of trying to please everyone.
I actually like the person I am now, but it took a while to find acceptance and contentment with myself.

Being childless was not by choice, though I have recently discovered that some of my family believed I hated kids and never wanted any.
Hubby and I got tired of living our lives for other people, always at their beck and call, and never actually having a life of our own. We did what we could when we could, tried to be the dutiful offspring (that sounds so bad doesn’t it, doing things out of duty rather than love, but being taken for granted so often does that to you) and were there for support if it was ever required or asked of us.
However, too often we were kept in the dark or ignored regarding important matters, and then we were the pariahs, the ones in the wrong because we hadn’t reacted or seemed to care. Family rifts became chasms, and any bridges made are rickety, but still we plod away, taking things as they come, good or bad, but not dwelling on the bad anymore.

We can’t change other people’s attitudes towards us, neither are we intending to change to suit them. We are who we are, and as a couple, we have evolved from two individuals to an Us, each respecting the other, accepting our differences, and allowing each other space if it’s needed. When apart, we function OK as we are not totally dependent on the other.

We pride ourselves on ‘what you see is what you get’. If we are nice to you, it is not because we want anything, but because we like you, or find you interesting (or you have a dog).
If you don’t like us, that is equally fine, but you don’t have to be nasty about it.

It is so easy to be judgemental and get things totally wrong when perhaps just to take a step back and listen to what is actually being said, and in what context, may broaden the picture. Of course, sometimes the words just come out wrong, and what is said isn’t actually what was meant, but hey, that’s not necessarily a big deal.

As for getting to ‘know us’, well, that takes time and can’t be rushed.
Hubby and I have been together over a quarter of a century and I’m still learning!

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