An Ironic Smile

“Rita!” He cried as he raced through the back door.
Oh my god, oh my god, he mumbled.
“RITA!!
‘What?’ came a sleepy response from above.
“We’ve been burgled!
‘WHAT???’
burglaryThe sound of feet hitting the floor running and the uneven tread as she nearly fell down the stairs was almost comical had the situation not been so dire.
‘Some bastards have broken into the garage, and everything’s gone!’
‘But you only took delivery yesterday!’
‘I know. Dammit. Someone must have been watching the house.’

He picked up the phone and rang the local police station.
No point in dialling 999, it wasn’t an emergency.

The local Plod was OK but a bit slow sometimes, though today he arrived in record time (of an hour).
The garage wasn’t that much of a mess. The door had been jimmied, but other than that, no windows were broken and the floor was clean. Not even dust had had a chance to settle, so no footprints or clues were available.

The usual questions were asked, had they ensured the garage was locked, what time did they retire for the night, what time did they get up, did they hear anything, did they have a dog that could have raised the alarm, etc etc.
barking dogThe million dollar question was about to come though.

‘Did you have an alarm fitted, Sir?’
‘Er, no. That was on the agenda for today. The contents were my stock for a new business venture.’
‘I see. And what might that be? It may give us some clues.’
‘Home Protection and Security.’
‘Oh. Can you tell me what was taken?’
‘I can do better than that and give you a copy of the delivery ticket if you like. It has it all there.’
‘That’s grand. Just for my immediate notes though, what exactly was stolen?’

Blushing furiously with the irony, Rita said ‘Two hundred burglar alarms.’
house lock up

Advertisement

About pensitivity101

I am a retired number cruncher with a vivid imagination and wacky sense of humour which extends to short stories and poetry. I love to cook and am a bit of a dog whisperer as I get on better with them than people sometimes! In November 2020, we lost our beloved Maggie who adopted us as a 7 week old pup in March 2005. We decided to have a photo put on canvas as we had for her predecessor Barney. We now have three pictures of our fur babies on the wall as we found a snapshot of Kizzy, my GSD when Hubby and I first met so had hers done too. On February 24th 2022 we were blessed to find Maya, a 13 week old GSD pup who has made her own place in our hearts. You can follow our training methods, photos and her growth in my blog posts. From 2014 to 2017 'Home' was a 41 foot narrow boat where we made strong friendships both on and off the water. We were close to nature enjoying swan and duck families for neighbours, and it was a fascinating chapter in our lives. We now reside in a small bungalow on the Lincolnshire coast where we have forged new friendships and interests.
This entry was posted in fiction, home, humour, short stories, tongue in cheek and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to An Ironic Smile

  1. Taya says:

    This made me laugh the ending totally made it.

Comments are closed.