Death of a Salesman?

We did a lot of DIY in our previous house, and finally washed ‘one brick’ too many. With an almighty CLUNK the washing machine stopped altogether, so we immediately switched it off before some serious damage occurred.

Hubby is useful. I know this because my friend told me so as he was breaking into her car when she’d left her keys in it. He is inventive, resourceful, practical and reliable, and basically if there’s a three pin plug on it, he can fix it, 99% of the time (electronics engineer)

This was not in that percentage. Having released sodden washing, it was discovered that the drum had seized completely and unfortunately for us, there was no way he could get inside the damn thing as it was sealed and riveted. There was nothing for it, we would have to buy a new one.

Luckily for us there was an industrial estate less than a mile away with a variety of electrical suppliers so we were confident this would not be a problem. If it’s anything to do with money, Hubby always leaves it to me. He’s happy to do so as I have an eye for a bargain and will endeavour to get the best deal possible (see Cars) I also won’t be pushed.

This is more or less how the conversation went:

Good afternoon madam. How may I help you?

I’d like to buy a washing machine please.

Certainly. Have you any particular model in mind?

Yes. That one over there.

Of course. I’ll just get the paperwork. Three or five year terms?

Neither. I’ll use my credit card.

Of course. The optional appliance insurance is £240 for 5 years cover. Would you like that?

No thank you. The machine’s covered by a twelve month manufacturers guarantee isn’t it?

Yes. But machines usually only last two years, and having the five year cover will save you money.

No thank you. The machine is only £210, and if it’s likely to fail, it would be in the first year.

Of course. Now, was that three or five year terms?

Neither. I’m paying with my credit card.

Certainly. When would you like it delivered?

I don’t. I’d like to take it away now please.

I’m sorry. We won’t have that particular model in stock. I’ll be happy to take your order and arrange delivery direct from our factory.

I take it delivery is free?

I’m afraid not.

So how much is delivery then?

Twenty five pounds.

That’s OK. I’ll chose another model.

Hm, actually we don’t have storage to hold a lot of specific models in stock, so you would have to place an order and have it delivered.

I’d be happy to take a display model at a reduced price.

I’m sorry, we couldn’t do that.

OK. Is there any model, within my price range, that I could take away today?

Oh yes. Please. Come this way.

Thank you. Oh, this one will be fine. It’s a little more at £225 but that’s within my budget. I’ll take it.

Thank you. Now was that three or five year terms again?

Neither. I’m using my credit card. And no, I do not want your optional insurance, neither do I want it delivered. I want to take it away today. My car is outside.

Certainly. You realise that machines these days are only designed to last about 2 years, so I would really recommend you take out the optional cover. We can add it to your bill and spread it over the three or five years terms to suit your budget.

Hovering four inches off the floor, and holding on to my temper by the skin of my teeth (Hubby had discreetly disappeared out into the car park) , I said to him, perhaps slightly louder than necessary,

I WANT TO BUY THAT WASHING MACHINE, FOR £225.

I DO NOT WANT TERMS, THREE YEARS, FIVE OR OTHERWISE.

I DO NOT WANT YOUR APPLIANCE INSURANCE COVER.

I DO NOT WANT TO ORDER ONE AND HAVE IT DELIVERED.

I WANT TO PAY FOR IT TODAY WITH MY CREDIT CARD AND I WANT A LITTLE MAN TO WHEEL IT OUT TO THE CAR PARK AND PUT IT IN THE BOOT OF MY CAR.

NOW SIR, (waving credit card in face of salesman)

DO YOU WANT THIS SALE OR DON’T YOU?

IF NOT, I CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR.

Five minutes later, a lovely young man trundled the packaged machine out to the car park, saw the open boot with Hubby beside it (he knew I’d get one) , and cheerfully put it in the back.

That machine was still going some 6 years later when we sold our house, and the guy who bought it was glad for us to leave it behind, despite its age, as he didn’t have one.

Note: I realise this is my second post regarding credit card payments today. We were both working then and I used ours purely as a cash flow tool as the balance is cleared in full every month. I still do, but it’s harder now with our diminished budget.

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