To make you smile

There are times when something is said, perhaps completely out of context, which is either highly amusing, extremely embarrassing or an intended put down.

Try these:

Child after watching John Goodman in The Flintstones:

‘Daddy! I didn’t know dinosaurs were kept as pets. Did you have one when you were little?’dinosaurHusband to wife entertaining guests at a dinner party:

‘Darling, this is fantastic soup.’ (pause). ‘Before I forget, did you remember to wash my rugby socks?’

dinner partyOffice worker: ‘I like to compartmentalize things in my mind’

Response: ‘You’ve got 2 cells in there then.’empty headCreeping supervisor to potential new boss:

‘I’d like to help you in organising the staff,’

Response: ‘Thank you. Your resignation would be nice.’

you're fired

Slightly plump food fanatic:

‘I watch what I eat and treat my body as a temple’

Muttered reply: ‘Complete with cushions’.

templeIn response to ‘Not cleaning shop windows in the winter’ and ‘Dirty windows will make the produce look dirty.’

Supermarket spokesman replied ‘To be honest, the customer won’t see it’. (radio report 11.12.2013)window cleanerChild repeating highway code drill “Look right, look left and right again” (or left, right, left depending on which country you’re in). When asked what to do if traffic is coming, reply was ‘Get knocked down’.kerb drillWife shouting angrily at husband: ‘I need a change of scenery!’

Husband: ‘Excellent idea. You stay, I’ll go.’

holiday

About pensitivity101

I am a retired number cruncher with a vivid imagination and wacky sense of humour which extends to short stories and poetry. I love to cook and am a bit of a dog whisperer as I get on better with them than people sometimes! We have recently lost our beloved dog Maggie who adopted us as a 7 week old pup in March 2005. We decided to have a photo put on canvas as we had for her predecessor Barney, and now have three pictures of our fur babies on the wall as we found a snapshot of my GSD so had hers done too. From 2014 to 2017 'Home' was a 41 foot narrow boat where we made strong friendships both on and off the water. We were close to nature enjoying swan and duck families for neighbours, and it was a fascinating chapter in our lives. We now reside in a small bungalow on the Lincolnshire coast where we have forged new friendships and interests.
This entry was posted in humour, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to To make you smile

  1. Reblogged this on pensitivity101 and commented:

    23rd January 2020:
    The part about the temple could be my response to this week’s Tale Weaver
    https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/19271780/posts/2562807513

Comments are closed.