To make you smile

There are times when something is said, perhaps completely out of context, which is either highly amusing, extremely embarrassing or an intended put down.

Try these:

Child after watching John Goodman in The Flintstones:

‘Daddy! I didn’t know dinosaurs were kept as pets. Did you have one when you were little?’Husband to wife entertaining guests at a dinner party:

‘Darling, this is fantastic soup.’ (pause). ‘Before I forget, did you remember to wash my rugby socks?’

Office worker: ‘I like to compartmentalize things in my mind’

Response: ‘You’ve got 2 cells in there then.’Creeping supervisor to potential new boss:

‘I’d like to help you in organising the staff,’

Response: ‘Thank you. Your resignation would be nice.’

Slightly plump food fanatic:

‘I watch what I eat and treat my body as a temple’

Muttered reply: ‘Complete with cushions’.

In response to ‘Not cleaning shop windows in the winter’ and ‘Dirty windows will make the produce look dirty.’

Supermarket spokesman replied ‘To be honest, the customer won’t see it’. (radio report 11.12.2013)Child repeating highway code drill “Look right, look left and right again” (or left, right, left depending on which country you’re in). When asked what to do if traffic is coming, reply was ‘Get knocked down’.Wife shouting angrily at husband: ‘I need a change of scenery!’

Husband: ‘Excellent idea. You stay, I’ll go.’

Advertisement